I can't take this anymore!!! I'm 14 DPO.....af is now officially late and there's no sign of her. I still have symptoms..in fact, my cramps have gotten more pronounced today. (could be stress related though). My temp dropped yesterday (though still above cl) and went up slightly today. I tested....BFN!!!!!!! WTH????? I'm just so so so confused and frustrated with this whole thing. I seriously think I'm not pg, that my natural progesterone dropped yesterday but is being sustained by the supplement I'm taking. I really don't think af is going to come while I'm taking the supplement. I can't stop taking it though unless af shows or 18 DPO. My plan right now is taking it until Monday, test again, then call my OB and find out if I should stop the supplement or come in for a blood test. I don't even know if I want to do a blood test because I know it will say negative. I just wish af would show already...I just want this over with.
I am so done with ttc. I'm so frustrated, disappointed, confused, angry. I feel broken. I don't understand why I'm not pg.....4 cycles on clomid.....4 perfect cycles and still NOTHING. My dr even told me she expects me to be pg. So why aren't I? I know it's not my place to question...that I'll never know the answer until the day I meet Christ and can ask him. But it's just so aggrevating!! I am giving up control to God on this. I realize I can't do this on my own anymore. Next month I'm not charting, not doing OPKs, not timing BD....not doing anything!!!! I want TTC out of my mind!!!! I know that's virtually impossible, but I need to try. I just can't do this anymore.
Lord,
I realize now that I'm not in control over this. I know that you have a plan for me, and I know I need to learn to be patient in waiting for you. Your plan is always perfect Lord, You know what is best for me. I pray that you help me give up the desire to control this part of my life. I can't do this alone Lord, I need your help. I pray that I become willing to follow whatever your plan is for me, and that you send the Holy Spirit down on me to help me have a calm heart and patience in waiting for your plans for me. I know this is all for the greater good. Help me Lord to concentrate more on You, on bringing glory and praise to your name, to worship you. Help me to soften the desire to expand my family, and increase the desire to please you. May your will be done with my life, whatever that may be. Thank you Lord for all you have already given me. I praise you!
In Jesus Precious name,
Amen.
3 comments:
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Know that you are loved, Brenda. No matter what happens.
Brenda, I know it truly hurts. Sometimes our desires do get in the way of recognizing His plan. I pray that you find peace in your heart and patience to see Him work in your life.
Brenda, I am so sorry for your frustration & I wish I could give you a hug IRL! I will continue to pray for you, and I know that in His time you will get the miracle that you want so much. (((hugs)))
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