Sorry!!! I love doing these!!
1. What time did you get up this morning? 6am
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Can’t remember, I haven’t been to a movie cinema in years.
4. What is your favorite TV show? One Life to Live, Another World, American Idol, Law and Order CI, Grey’s Anatomy
5. What did you have for breakfast? Didn’t eat breakfast today.6. What is your middle name? Jean7. What is your favorite cuisine? American
8. What foods do you dislike? Tuna, liver, sourkraut
9. What is your favorite chip? Chex mix, barbeque flavored chips, or regular potato chips with my family’s special dip
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Great White “Let it Rock”
11. What kind of car do you drive? 1989 Oldsmobile Cutless Cierra
12. What is your favorite sandwich? Club sandwich
13. What characteristics do you despise? Dishonesty, manipulation
14. Favorite item of clothing? A sweatshirt I have..Green Bay Packers.
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Hawaii
16. What color is your bathroom? Purple (unfortunately)
17. Favorite brand of clothing? Don’t have one.
18. Where would you want to retire to? Omaha, Nebraska
19. Favorite time of day? Evening, after Ryan goes to bed.
20. Where were you born? Cudahy, Wisconsin
21. Favorite sport to watch? NFL football (Go Packers!)
24. What type of detergent do you use? Whatever is cheapest!
25. Coke or Pepsi? Neither- I don’t drink soda, and when I do, it’s root beer!
26. Are you a morning person or night owl? Must be a night owl because I’m not a morning person!
27. What size shoe do you wear? 6
28. Do you have pets? Yes, 1 cat named Cally and 8 fish.
29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? I’m writing a novel!
30. What did you want to be when you were little? A gymnast, a teacher, a singer, an author
31. Favorite Candy Bar? Snickers
32. What is your best childhood memory? Making up a soap opera with Amy.
33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life? Customer service, cashier, cash cage worker (all at Kmart), bank teller, room attendant at a hotel (I cleaned rooms), most importantly, MOM
34. Soup or Salad? Depends on my mood…I like salad but I also like soup.
35. Nicknames: Bren, Missy, pookeybear, mommy
36. What song can you not help but sing out loud to? Uumm, most songs actually. I love to sing so if I know the words I have to sing! Right now though the biggest one is Mr. Roboto by Styx. Can’t get that song out of my head!!
37. Eye color? brown
38. Ever been to Africa? No
39. Ever been toilet papered? No
40. Love someone so much it made you cry? Yes
41. Been in a car accident? Yes
42. Croutons or bacon bits? Both
43. Favorite day of the week? That’s tough. Don’t really have one. I would have to say Sunday I guess since I get to go to church.
44. Favorite restaurant? Famous Dave’s Barbeque
45. Favorite flower? Lilacs
46. Favorite ice cream? Turtle
47. Disney or Warner Brothers? Definitely Disney
48. Favorite fast food restaurant? Burger King
49. What color is your bedroom carpet? Blue
50. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Once
51. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? Postal store- I bought stamps online
52. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Michael’s or Hobby Lobby
53. What do you do most often when you are bored? What’s bored mean? LOL watch tv or go on the computer.
54. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? N/A
55. Last person you went out to eat with? Bob and Ryan to McDonald’s. A reward for going poop on the potty.
56. Ford or Chevy? No preference
57. What are you listening to right now? TV- One Life to Live
58. How many tattoos do you have? None
59. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The egg.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Another Question email. Enjoy!
1. What was your first car? Oldsmobile Cutless 1985
2. What color are the curtains in the room you are in right now? Don’t have curtains in this room. I’m in the basement which has 2 small block windows.
3. If you turn around, what do you see? Ryan, LOL, the door to the laundry room.
4. What is your favorite color? blue
5. Do you take baths? No, never. I hate baths. It’s a weird phobia I have.
6. How old were you when you got your drivers license? 16 (passed on the second try)
7. Have you ever been out of the country? No
8. What was your first job? If you don’t count babysitting, I worked at Farm and Fleet for 3 weeks the summer before my senior year.
9. What is your favorite website, other than SM? First is simplymoms, then it would be my blog.
10. Did you ever listen to new kids on the block? LOL YES! They were my favorite for the longest time…my first concert was to see them.
11. Did you go to public or private school? Private school for elementary, public school for high school, private college.
12. What comes to mind, when you think of the 80's? big hair! LOL
13. Are you scared of spiders? Big ones yes.
14. Do you believe in re-incarnation? No.
15. If you come back in the next life, who do you want to be? Don’t believe in that.
16. If you could meet any celebrity (currently alive) who would it be? Michael Lardie.
17. What was the first music album you remember owning? Cyndi Lauper “She’s so Unsual”
18. How many TV's are in your home? 2
19. Name 5 people you wouldnt mind being stuck on a desert island with? Bob, Ryan, Julie (my best friend), my mom, Amber.
20. Where were you when you lost your virginity? Ok..this sounds bad. In a hotel :)
21. How many siblings do you have? 2 older brothers
22. If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Not sure.
23. What was your first alcoholic drink? I have no idea! A wine cooler most likely.
24. What is 1st song on your playlist? Mr. Roboto by Styx
25. What is the last song on your playlist? Miles Away by Great White
26. Do you still own a VCR? You bet. I can’t survive without it!!
27. Did you ever have an 8-track player? No.
28. Do you know more than one language? Yes. I know some Spanish, some French, and ASL.
29. Did you go to college/trade school? Yes, went to college. Have a BA on English Lit.
30. Do you still talk to any of your school friends? Yes. I met my best friend in college.
31. How many boyfriends have you had? 4
32. Do you have a "this many dates until sex" rule? No. I believe in no sex before marriage.
33. Are you religious? I don’t consider it religious. I have a personal relationship with Jesus.
34. What color is your carpet? By the computer it’s a light brown.
35. Do you wear makeup? Not unless I’m going out someplace nice.
36. How often do you get your hair cut? Maybe once a year.
37. If you could afford 1 cosmetic surgery, what would you get? I wouldn’t get it. God gave me this body and I’m proud of it.
38. Do you have any piercings? Just 2 in my ears.
39. Do you have any tattoos? No.
40. When/If you have teens, when can they start dating? When he’s 20! LOL j/k I’m not sure yet…have time to decide that.
41. How old were you when you moved out of your parents house? 24
42. What jewelry do you wear on a regular basis? Wedding ring, a silver cross necklace
43. What was the 1st DVD you bought? I don’t remember
44. Do you have a Palm Pilot? No, but Bob does
45. Do you have a picture phone? yes
46. Do you have a digital camera? yes
47. What noise can you hear right now? My space heater, the tv.
48. Have you ever had ice cream for breakfast? no
49. Are your parents still together? Yes, married 45 yrs in June.
50. What did you eat for lunch today? Half of a bagel sandwich and a glass of water.
51. If you have a partner how long have you been together? Together for 12 yrs in April. Married for 6.5 yrs.
52. If you could pursue any career you wanted what would it be? Author, singer.
53. Does your family celebrate another holiday other than christmas, because you have one than one religion? No
54. If you could do anything or be anything for one day what would you do or be? Spend a day on the set of my favorite show.
55. If you suspect your man is cheating, would you confront him or snoop for proof first? Confront him.
56. Your best friend couldn't have children of her own naturally. She is thinkin about surrogacy and asks you if you would be the one to help realise her dream of having children. What would you say? Yes I would. I know she would do it for me without a doubt, I’d want to do it for her also.
57. If a movie was made about your life, who would play you? Eden Riegal (she looks most like me)
You win $1,000,000 , would you give any to family and friends or spend it on yourself? First pay off our bills, buy a decent house/car, spend a little on family/friends, anything leftover in Ryan’s college fund.
58. If someone collapsed in the street would you stop to help? I wouldn’t since I don’t have CPR training, but Bob would.
59. If you saw a robbery going on would you intervene or pretend you never saw a thing? I’ve been in banking long enough to know you don’t intervene!!! Call 911 and let the police take care of it.
60. You break you something which is of great importance to someone i.e. your mums best crystal glass which she has had for years and she will be devestated when she sees it is broken. She was outta the room at the time would you be brave enough to own up? Yes I would.
61. When did you have your first kiss? I was 17
62. If you were a smell what would you be? Chocolate :)
63. If you had access to a time machine, would you go back and change anything about your life? No. All my life experiences, both good and bad, have made me what I am today. I wouldn’t change anything.
2. What color are the curtains in the room you are in right now? Don’t have curtains in this room. I’m in the basement which has 2 small block windows.
3. If you turn around, what do you see? Ryan, LOL, the door to the laundry room.
4. What is your favorite color? blue
5. Do you take baths? No, never. I hate baths. It’s a weird phobia I have.
6. How old were you when you got your drivers license? 16 (passed on the second try)
7. Have you ever been out of the country? No
8. What was your first job? If you don’t count babysitting, I worked at Farm and Fleet for 3 weeks the summer before my senior year.
9. What is your favorite website, other than SM? First is simplymoms, then it would be my blog.
10. Did you ever listen to new kids on the block? LOL YES! They were my favorite for the longest time…my first concert was to see them.
11. Did you go to public or private school? Private school for elementary, public school for high school, private college.
12. What comes to mind, when you think of the 80's? big hair! LOL
13. Are you scared of spiders? Big ones yes.
14. Do you believe in re-incarnation? No.
15. If you come back in the next life, who do you want to be? Don’t believe in that.
16. If you could meet any celebrity (currently alive) who would it be? Michael Lardie.
17. What was the first music album you remember owning? Cyndi Lauper “She’s so Unsual”
18. How many TV's are in your home? 2
19. Name 5 people you wouldnt mind being stuck on a desert island with? Bob, Ryan, Julie (my best friend), my mom, Amber.
20. Where were you when you lost your virginity? Ok..this sounds bad. In a hotel :)
21. How many siblings do you have? 2 older brothers
22. If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Not sure.
23. What was your first alcoholic drink? I have no idea! A wine cooler most likely.
24. What is 1st song on your playlist? Mr. Roboto by Styx
25. What is the last song on your playlist? Miles Away by Great White
26. Do you still own a VCR? You bet. I can’t survive without it!!
27. Did you ever have an 8-track player? No.
28. Do you know more than one language? Yes. I know some Spanish, some French, and ASL.
29. Did you go to college/trade school? Yes, went to college. Have a BA on English Lit.
30. Do you still talk to any of your school friends? Yes. I met my best friend in college.
31. How many boyfriends have you had? 4
32. Do you have a "this many dates until sex" rule? No. I believe in no sex before marriage.
33. Are you religious? I don’t consider it religious. I have a personal relationship with Jesus.
34. What color is your carpet? By the computer it’s a light brown.
35. Do you wear makeup? Not unless I’m going out someplace nice.
36. How often do you get your hair cut? Maybe once a year.
37. If you could afford 1 cosmetic surgery, what would you get? I wouldn’t get it. God gave me this body and I’m proud of it.
38. Do you have any piercings? Just 2 in my ears.
39. Do you have any tattoos? No.
40. When/If you have teens, when can they start dating? When he’s 20! LOL j/k I’m not sure yet…have time to decide that.
41. How old were you when you moved out of your parents house? 24
42. What jewelry do you wear on a regular basis? Wedding ring, a silver cross necklace
43. What was the 1st DVD you bought? I don’t remember
44. Do you have a Palm Pilot? No, but Bob does
45. Do you have a picture phone? yes
46. Do you have a digital camera? yes
47. What noise can you hear right now? My space heater, the tv.
48. Have you ever had ice cream for breakfast? no
49. Are your parents still together? Yes, married 45 yrs in June.
50. What did you eat for lunch today? Half of a bagel sandwich and a glass of water.
51. If you have a partner how long have you been together? Together for 12 yrs in April. Married for 6.5 yrs.
52. If you could pursue any career you wanted what would it be? Author, singer.
53. Does your family celebrate another holiday other than christmas, because you have one than one religion? No
54. If you could do anything or be anything for one day what would you do or be? Spend a day on the set of my favorite show.
55. If you suspect your man is cheating, would you confront him or snoop for proof first? Confront him.
56. Your best friend couldn't have children of her own naturally. She is thinkin about surrogacy and asks you if you would be the one to help realise her dream of having children. What would you say? Yes I would. I know she would do it for me without a doubt, I’d want to do it for her also.
57. If a movie was made about your life, who would play you? Eden Riegal (she looks most like me)
You win $1,000,000 , would you give any to family and friends or spend it on yourself? First pay off our bills, buy a decent house/car, spend a little on family/friends, anything leftover in Ryan’s college fund.
58. If someone collapsed in the street would you stop to help? I wouldn’t since I don’t have CPR training, but Bob would.
59. If you saw a robbery going on would you intervene or pretend you never saw a thing? I’ve been in banking long enough to know you don’t intervene!!! Call 911 and let the police take care of it.
60. You break you something which is of great importance to someone i.e. your mums best crystal glass which she has had for years and she will be devestated when she sees it is broken. She was outta the room at the time would you be brave enough to own up? Yes I would.
61. When did you have your first kiss? I was 17
62. If you were a smell what would you be? Chocolate :)
63. If you had access to a time machine, would you go back and change anything about your life? No. All my life experiences, both good and bad, have made me what I am today. I wouldn’t change anything.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Decisions, decisions
I hate making decisions. I'm one of those type of people that has to sit on something for a long time before making a decision, especially if it's an important one.
I have an opportuntity coming up in the next several months that could change part of my lifestyle. I don't want to share details yet, but it's a big decision. Nothing that needs to be decided upon right away, so at least I have some time to think about it. (No, it's not TTC related). But it's already on my mind and driving me nuts!!
I need to pray about it, find out what direction God wants me to go. I need to spend some time in prayer, and some time just thinking about it. Makes me think what do I want to do with my life?
Anyway, sorry this is so vague. Just something that is on my mind and wanted to get out, just don't want to share details yet.
I have an opportuntity coming up in the next several months that could change part of my lifestyle. I don't want to share details yet, but it's a big decision. Nothing that needs to be decided upon right away, so at least I have some time to think about it. (No, it's not TTC related). But it's already on my mind and driving me nuts!!
I need to pray about it, find out what direction God wants me to go. I need to spend some time in prayer, and some time just thinking about it. Makes me think what do I want to do with my life?
Anyway, sorry this is so vague. Just something that is on my mind and wanted to get out, just don't want to share details yet.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Child-Free night!!
For the first time in a VERY long time, Bob and I had a child free night! It was a spur of the moment thing too. We had to get our taxes done Sat afternoon, and had asked my parents to watch Ryan. Well, I also had to be in their area Sunday afternoon for a bridal shower, so I figured why bring Ryan all the way home--he could just spend the night at their house and I can pick him up after the shower. Ryan loved the idea- he just loves his grandma and grandpa. So we stayed there on Sat for dinner (had to stay until at least 5:30 anyway since they had to go to church), then we said goodbye to Ryan- who, btw, didn't care that we were leaving- and went home. For the first time in a long time, Bob and I actually spent good, quality time together. Normally he goes on the computer and plays his game, and I write or watch my soaps. Last night we watched a movie together, then we went to bed early (if you know what I mean!). It was such a wonderful night! Strange though. I kept checking in Ryan's room- it just felt so wrong to not have him here!
Today I didn't get to sleep in though, even without Ryan home. I still went to church, which was strange not taking Ryan with me. I had to do a double take in the back seat- I felt like I was missing something! I came home and was home for about an hour and a half, then left for the shower.
It was a nice shower. It was for Bob's cousin, who also happens to be named Brenda. Go figure. Anyway, it was very nice, and of course, I ate too much.
I left the shower and picked up Ryan, who was not happy to see me. He cried because he didn't want to leave grandma and grandpa's. Gee, wonder why? Could it be that they let him sleep in his bathrobe, let him have a snack just after breakfast, gave him ice cream, played games constantly with him? Naw!! LOL The boy is spoiled there!! LOL Oh well, what can you do?
So tonight it's back to the norm. I think we might have to have more sleepovers at the granparents house! I really enjoyed a night child-less. LOL I love my baby, but it sure is nice to have a night alone too. :)
Today I didn't get to sleep in though, even without Ryan home. I still went to church, which was strange not taking Ryan with me. I had to do a double take in the back seat- I felt like I was missing something! I came home and was home for about an hour and a half, then left for the shower.
It was a nice shower. It was for Bob's cousin, who also happens to be named Brenda. Go figure. Anyway, it was very nice, and of course, I ate too much.
I left the shower and picked up Ryan, who was not happy to see me. He cried because he didn't want to leave grandma and grandpa's. Gee, wonder why? Could it be that they let him sleep in his bathrobe, let him have a snack just after breakfast, gave him ice cream, played games constantly with him? Naw!! LOL The boy is spoiled there!! LOL Oh well, what can you do?
So tonight it's back to the norm. I think we might have to have more sleepovers at the granparents house! I really enjoyed a night child-less. LOL I love my baby, but it sure is nice to have a night alone too. :)
Friday, February 24, 2006
The day my angel grew wings
Today is Feb. 24. It's such a sad day for me. It was 2 yrs ago today that I miscarried; 2 yrs ago today that I had to go in to get a D&C; I was 9 weeks along; 2 yrs ago today that my angel grew wings and flew up to be in Jesus' arms.
I'm not nearly as sad about it as last year. I feel I'm in a different place emotionally this year, and spiritually. I know now why it happened, and I accept it. I trust that God has a plan for me that will give me hope and a future. But it still hurts some. I'm still sad about it, I still cried a little this morning. It hurts to know my baby is not here with me. He/she would be 17 months old now. I would be TTC our third child now instead of just our second.
I have also received so much support from people this week, it's been wonderful and overwhelming at the same time! I truly feel loved. I have received support from my dear friends from Simplymoms (love you girls!), from my husband, from my church family. It's made me see this in a whole new light I suppose. I know I'm definitely not alone in all this. I will always have God and my wonderful friends to lean on.
I actually won't have much time today to reflect on the events that happened 2 yrs ago today at 11am. Ryan has a playdate this morning and Julie is coming over this evening. However, I plan on saying a special prayer, taking some time to meditate and pray, and lighting a candle for my precious angel. I have it on my heart too to write a poem if I get a chance.
I will NEVER forget my angel, no matter how much time passes by. I am the mother of 2 children, no matter what anyone says.
I miss you my precious angel. May you feel the warmth of Jesus' arms holding you, looking upon me. I can't wait to meet you again someday. Mommy loves you.
I'm not nearly as sad about it as last year. I feel I'm in a different place emotionally this year, and spiritually. I know now why it happened, and I accept it. I trust that God has a plan for me that will give me hope and a future. But it still hurts some. I'm still sad about it, I still cried a little this morning. It hurts to know my baby is not here with me. He/she would be 17 months old now. I would be TTC our third child now instead of just our second.
I have also received so much support from people this week, it's been wonderful and overwhelming at the same time! I truly feel loved. I have received support from my dear friends from Simplymoms (love you girls!), from my husband, from my church family. It's made me see this in a whole new light I suppose. I know I'm definitely not alone in all this. I will always have God and my wonderful friends to lean on.
I actually won't have much time today to reflect on the events that happened 2 yrs ago today at 11am. Ryan has a playdate this morning and Julie is coming over this evening. However, I plan on saying a special prayer, taking some time to meditate and pray, and lighting a candle for my precious angel. I have it on my heart too to write a poem if I get a chance.
I will NEVER forget my angel, no matter how much time passes by. I am the mother of 2 children, no matter what anyone says.
I miss you my precious angel. May you feel the warmth of Jesus' arms holding you, looking upon me. I can't wait to meet you again someday. Mommy loves you.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
The robot song
Ryan has been huge into listening to music and dancing lately. Well, dancing at first, now it's just wanting to listen to music. Which I'm enjoying mind you...I've been listening to things I haven't heard in ages. I don't listen to CD's much anymore, so it has been nice pulling out different CD's to listen to.
Anyway, Bob had decided to introduce to Ryan Mr. Roboto by Styx. Ryan affectionately calls it "The robot song". He didn't like it the first time he heard it; actually cried and wouldn't listen past the first verse. Poor thing. So we turned it off, thinking that's the end of that.
The next day Ryan asked for the robot song. I asked him several times, making sure he really wanted to hear it. Sure enough, he really wanted to. So I put it on and he actually loved it! And he wanted to hear it again, and again, and again.......
We have now heard this song so many times that Ryan has most of the words memorized now, and I'm actually starting to get tired of it! LOL At least he chose a good song by Styx...I'm not much of a Styx fan, and Mr. Roboto is one of the very few songs I like. Though that may change soon unless Ryan gets off his robot kick soon!! LOL
Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto.
Anyway, Bob had decided to introduce to Ryan Mr. Roboto by Styx. Ryan affectionately calls it "The robot song". He didn't like it the first time he heard it; actually cried and wouldn't listen past the first verse. Poor thing. So we turned it off, thinking that's the end of that.
The next day Ryan asked for the robot song. I asked him several times, making sure he really wanted to hear it. Sure enough, he really wanted to. So I put it on and he actually loved it! And he wanted to hear it again, and again, and again.......
We have now heard this song so many times that Ryan has most of the words memorized now, and I'm actually starting to get tired of it! LOL At least he chose a good song by Styx...I'm not much of a Styx fan, and Mr. Roboto is one of the very few songs I like. Though that may change soon unless Ryan gets off his robot kick soon!! LOL
Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
American Idol
So I'm watching American Idol. I'm pretty impressed with a few of the female contenders this year. I have 3 favorites.
Kellie- she is amazing, has a great voice, and is so personalable. I think it's more the personality that gets me than her voice, since I don't even remember what song she sang and it was only an hour ago. But she's pretty, she's sweet, love her southern accent, and she's so down to earth...girl next door type of thing. Her story also touches my heart. Like her a lot!
Paris- all I gotta say is WOW! She is AMAZING! She is only 17, but has such an amazing voice. Tonight's performance was just incredible...she showed her personality, she danced around on stage, she acted like she's been doing this for years. I love her! I think even if she doesn't win the competition (which I think she will win) she will make it big. She's amazing.
Lisa- a 16 yr old from Anaheim CA....also incredible! I liked her from her first audition the first night of AI. She's pretty, and her voice is great! She also has the girl next door kinda look and personality. She will make it big too.
So those are the females I really like right now. Vote for them! Tomorrow will be the male vocalists.
I love AI!
Kellie- she is amazing, has a great voice, and is so personalable. I think it's more the personality that gets me than her voice, since I don't even remember what song she sang and it was only an hour ago. But she's pretty, she's sweet, love her southern accent, and she's so down to earth...girl next door type of thing. Her story also touches my heart. Like her a lot!
Paris- all I gotta say is WOW! She is AMAZING! She is only 17, but has such an amazing voice. Tonight's performance was just incredible...she showed her personality, she danced around on stage, she acted like she's been doing this for years. I love her! I think even if she doesn't win the competition (which I think she will win) she will make it big. She's amazing.
Lisa- a 16 yr old from Anaheim CA....also incredible! I liked her from her first audition the first night of AI. She's pretty, and her voice is great! She also has the girl next door kinda look and personality. She will make it big too.
So those are the females I really like right now. Vote for them! Tomorrow will be the male vocalists.
I love AI!
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Rock and Roll Fantasy Camp!
Ok...I totally thought it started on Monday, but I was wrong! You have to check this out!! Rock and Roll Fantasy Camp is Feb 16-20. It's a really cool way for fans and amatuer musicians to meet, learn, and jam with their idols and professional musicians.
There are counselors there (just like a real camp) where campers hang out with, learn from, jam with, and will, by the end of the 5 days, will have written a song with to perform in a battle of the bands on the last night. There are also seminars, time to hang out, take pictures, autographs, and so much more. Even a welcome party! Does that sound cool or what?!
Michael Lardie is one of the counselors this year. Check here for the video of Michael talking about being a counselor. He is so darn cute!! LOL It's also the first time I've ever heard him speak....he seems like such a sweetheart! *sigh* What I wouldn't give to meet him!!
Anyway, if I had an extra $9500 laying around and can actually play an instrument, I'd be there!!!! haha Although it does say ANYONE can come....including those who don't know a darn thing about music like myself, as long as you are willing to learn (if it's Michael who's teaching me, I'm willing to learn ANYTHING!). And yes, it is actually that much money. $1000 down payment to secure your spot, and the full cost of the camp for 5 days is $8499 (and an extra $399 for your spouse if you'd like them to come along). It's a lot of money....but so worth it if you get to jam and learn from your idols.
Looks like a cool thing to do.
There are counselors there (just like a real camp) where campers hang out with, learn from, jam with, and will, by the end of the 5 days, will have written a song with to perform in a battle of the bands on the last night. There are also seminars, time to hang out, take pictures, autographs, and so much more. Even a welcome party! Does that sound cool or what?!
Michael Lardie is one of the counselors this year. Check here for the video of Michael talking about being a counselor. He is so darn cute!! LOL It's also the first time I've ever heard him speak....he seems like such a sweetheart! *sigh* What I wouldn't give to meet him!!
Anyway, if I had an extra $9500 laying around and can actually play an instrument, I'd be there!!!! haha Although it does say ANYONE can come....including those who don't know a darn thing about music like myself, as long as you are willing to learn (if it's Michael who's teaching me, I'm willing to learn ANYTHING!). And yes, it is actually that much money. $1000 down payment to secure your spot, and the full cost of the camp for 5 days is $8499 (and an extra $399 for your spouse if you'd like them to come along). It's a lot of money....but so worth it if you get to jam and learn from your idols.
Looks like a cool thing to do.
Can you say "COLD"
BBUUURRR!!!! One of the problems of living in the good ole cheese state....it's flipping COLD!! They don't call it the frozen taundra for nothing!!! The temp right now (with the sun brightly shining) is -3 F, with a -25 F wind chill!!!! That's flipping cold!! I miss my 80 degree weather in the summer...that we get about a whole 2 weeks of!!! LOL
I was supposed to go get Ryan's haircut this morning and then go to the store. I freeze my butt of to get to the car (since we don't have a garage the car is outside and it takes a bit to walk to it) only to find out the door is frozen shut. After several minutes of pulling on the door (I'm sure you can picture it), I managed to free it open. I start the car (which amazingly, actually starts!), only to find that the lock has frozen, so I can't close the door!!!! aug. So now the door to my car is sitting partially open since it's frozen. LOL That's ok...it's WAY too cold to go anywhere anyway!!!!
I think I want to move to California or Texas or somewhere where it doesn't go below 50 degrees! LOL
Actually, I really do like the seasons, and it really isn't that bad, especially when bundled up under a large warm blanket, sipping hot chocolate. This actually is the first time it's been below zero all winter...a very mild winter this year. So I guess I can't complain too much. If I moved down south or out west, I certainly would miss the season changes. I can't imagine what it's like not to have a white Christmas or not see the leaves change color and fall. I just wish it wasn't so darn cold though! I'm looking forward to summer again. :D
I was supposed to go get Ryan's haircut this morning and then go to the store. I freeze my butt of to get to the car (since we don't have a garage the car is outside and it takes a bit to walk to it) only to find out the door is frozen shut. After several minutes of pulling on the door (I'm sure you can picture it), I managed to free it open. I start the car (which amazingly, actually starts!), only to find that the lock has frozen, so I can't close the door!!!! aug. So now the door to my car is sitting partially open since it's frozen. LOL That's ok...it's WAY too cold to go anywhere anyway!!!!
I think I want to move to California or Texas or somewhere where it doesn't go below 50 degrees! LOL
Actually, I really do like the seasons, and it really isn't that bad, especially when bundled up under a large warm blanket, sipping hot chocolate. This actually is the first time it's been below zero all winter...a very mild winter this year. So I guess I can't complain too much. If I moved down south or out west, I certainly would miss the season changes. I can't imagine what it's like not to have a white Christmas or not see the leaves change color and fall. I just wish it wasn't so darn cold though! I'm looking forward to summer again. :D
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Writing
So I've been writing diligently on my book. Did I mention what the working title is?? It's called (at least for now) Breaking Free. I have written a good portion of it so far...I'd say probably close to 30 pages. I haven't really kept track since I have been writing it as separate scenes. But I've written about 10 scenes so far. I write every chance I get, though I'm limited to mainly nights since I use Bob's laptop. I could use the computer too, but I find it confusing going from laptop to computer, especially when all the notes and all I've done is on the laptop. I don't have it saved to disk or anything yet (which reminds me I really need to do that. I will be really ticked if something were to happen and I lost it all). So it's going kinda slow...slower than I want anyway, but it's still going at least!
Right now I'm working on one of my favorite scenes in the whole book. It's the scene that the whole idea of the novel was based around. I had an idea of a scene, and then tried to figure out where to go from there and what I wanted to show and how to end it. It's an incredible important scene so I've been feeling some pressure to make it good.
I left off last night toward the very end of the scene....right in the middle of the best part..the kissing scene!!! I don't think I slept much last night....I kept thinking about this kissing scene and upset that I didn't finish it! LOL Gives me something to look forward to tonight though!
At any rate, I'm so excited about this book. I'm working my butt off to get it written. I'm completely determined to finish it and try to get it published.
Right now I'm working on one of my favorite scenes in the whole book. It's the scene that the whole idea of the novel was based around. I had an idea of a scene, and then tried to figure out where to go from there and what I wanted to show and how to end it. It's an incredible important scene so I've been feeling some pressure to make it good.
I left off last night toward the very end of the scene....right in the middle of the best part..the kissing scene!!! I don't think I slept much last night....I kept thinking about this kissing scene and upset that I didn't finish it! LOL Gives me something to look forward to tonight though!
At any rate, I'm so excited about this book. I'm working my butt off to get it written. I'm completely determined to finish it and try to get it published.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Dancing
Had some fun this morning. I let everything go and turned on the radio and just danced. Had a great time, got some energy out, and showed Ryan a few moves! He's just so cute when he dances!! He gets his little arms moving, and shakes his little booty! LOL I was trying to teach him how to do some dance moves, like twirling in and out, some ballroom type of stuff. Probably a little too complicated for a 3 yr old! LOL But it was adorable seeing him try! He loved it too..."mommy, I want songs on! I want to turn!" He also likes it when I sing! haha I guess he's too young to realize how off key mommy is! LOL But for now, he loves it, and I'm eating it up!
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Giving it up to God
I think the good Lord is trying to tell me something this week. He is smacking me on the head, telling me to "Stop this nonsense of trying to control something you aren't meant to. Trust in Me." Jeremiah 29:11 also comes to mind.
Everything is just pointing to this. Last week's Bible study on Thursday we talked about how we always try to "help" God on things, when He doesn't need any help. It's our way of trying to control His plans for us, to maniupulate it to go our way. That got my attention. Then the whole situation with the progesteorne and af this weekend, making me realize I can't do this on my own. Yesterday I was working on this week's Bible study chapters and the section I was reading was Genesis 20, about Abraham and Sarah having a child well after childbearing years. It was such a hard lesson for me to go study, and at the end of the study on that chapter, the author (Beth Moore) asked if you (the reader) had a difficult time with this study? Maybe your womb is empty even after praying and praying for it to open. But Praise God....because miracles do happen. I just bawled and bawled! Who am I to question God's plans for me? It may seem impossible right now, like I will never have another child, but nothing, NOTHING is impossible for God. He opened Sarah's womb and she had a child! Imagine what He could do for me if I let Him? If I trust in Him?
Then today at church, it was like God specifically wrote that sermon just for me. It was about why we have bad days, trials, and tribulations, and how to react when they happen. I just cried in church! Even the songs we sang related to my situation.
After Sunday School many of the women of my church came and gave me hugs and words of support and encouragement to trust in God, let Him handle it. The outpouring of support and love is amazing...I'm so happy to have found this church.
Everything leads up to it.....God is smacking me on the head and saying hello!!! Wake up already! Trust in Me, let Me take care of this. I think when I finally give it all up to Him, He will be smacking His forehead saying "Finally!"
I'm amazed at how He speaks to me, when I take the time to listen, I can hear and know what He is telling me. It's up to me now to listen and obey. Thank you Lord.
Everything is just pointing to this. Last week's Bible study on Thursday we talked about how we always try to "help" God on things, when He doesn't need any help. It's our way of trying to control His plans for us, to maniupulate it to go our way. That got my attention. Then the whole situation with the progesteorne and af this weekend, making me realize I can't do this on my own. Yesterday I was working on this week's Bible study chapters and the section I was reading was Genesis 20, about Abraham and Sarah having a child well after childbearing years. It was such a hard lesson for me to go study, and at the end of the study on that chapter, the author (Beth Moore) asked if you (the reader) had a difficult time with this study? Maybe your womb is empty even after praying and praying for it to open. But Praise God....because miracles do happen. I just bawled and bawled! Who am I to question God's plans for me? It may seem impossible right now, like I will never have another child, but nothing, NOTHING is impossible for God. He opened Sarah's womb and she had a child! Imagine what He could do for me if I let Him? If I trust in Him?
Then today at church, it was like God specifically wrote that sermon just for me. It was about why we have bad days, trials, and tribulations, and how to react when they happen. I just cried in church! Even the songs we sang related to my situation.
After Sunday School many of the women of my church came and gave me hugs and words of support and encouragement to trust in God, let Him handle it. The outpouring of support and love is amazing...I'm so happy to have found this church.
Everything leads up to it.....God is smacking me on the head and saying hello!!! Wake up already! Trust in Me, let Me take care of this. I think when I finally give it all up to Him, He will be smacking His forehead saying "Finally!"
I'm amazed at how He speaks to me, when I take the time to listen, I can hear and know what He is telling me. It's up to me now to listen and obey. Thank you Lord.
Friday, February 10, 2006
I'm so done!!!
I can't take this anymore!!! I'm 14 DPO.....af is now officially late and there's no sign of her. I still have symptoms..in fact, my cramps have gotten more pronounced today. (could be stress related though). My temp dropped yesterday (though still above cl) and went up slightly today. I tested....BFN!!!!!!! WTH????? I'm just so so so confused and frustrated with this whole thing. I seriously think I'm not pg, that my natural progesterone dropped yesterday but is being sustained by the supplement I'm taking. I really don't think af is going to come while I'm taking the supplement. I can't stop taking it though unless af shows or 18 DPO. My plan right now is taking it until Monday, test again, then call my OB and find out if I should stop the supplement or come in for a blood test. I don't even know if I want to do a blood test because I know it will say negative. I just wish af would show already...I just want this over with.
I am so done with ttc. I'm so frustrated, disappointed, confused, angry. I feel broken. I don't understand why I'm not pg.....4 cycles on clomid.....4 perfect cycles and still NOTHING. My dr even told me she expects me to be pg. So why aren't I? I know it's not my place to question...that I'll never know the answer until the day I meet Christ and can ask him. But it's just so aggrevating!! I am giving up control to God on this. I realize I can't do this on my own anymore. Next month I'm not charting, not doing OPKs, not timing BD....not doing anything!!!! I want TTC out of my mind!!!! I know that's virtually impossible, but I need to try. I just can't do this anymore.
Lord,
I realize now that I'm not in control over this. I know that you have a plan for me, and I know I need to learn to be patient in waiting for you. Your plan is always perfect Lord, You know what is best for me. I pray that you help me give up the desire to control this part of my life. I can't do this alone Lord, I need your help. I pray that I become willing to follow whatever your plan is for me, and that you send the Holy Spirit down on me to help me have a calm heart and patience in waiting for your plans for me. I know this is all for the greater good. Help me Lord to concentrate more on You, on bringing glory and praise to your name, to worship you. Help me to soften the desire to expand my family, and increase the desire to please you. May your will be done with my life, whatever that may be. Thank you Lord for all you have already given me. I praise you!
In Jesus Precious name,
Amen.
I am so done with ttc. I'm so frustrated, disappointed, confused, angry. I feel broken. I don't understand why I'm not pg.....4 cycles on clomid.....4 perfect cycles and still NOTHING. My dr even told me she expects me to be pg. So why aren't I? I know it's not my place to question...that I'll never know the answer until the day I meet Christ and can ask him. But it's just so aggrevating!! I am giving up control to God on this. I realize I can't do this on my own anymore. Next month I'm not charting, not doing OPKs, not timing BD....not doing anything!!!! I want TTC out of my mind!!!! I know that's virtually impossible, but I need to try. I just can't do this anymore.
Lord,
I realize now that I'm not in control over this. I know that you have a plan for me, and I know I need to learn to be patient in waiting for you. Your plan is always perfect Lord, You know what is best for me. I pray that you help me give up the desire to control this part of my life. I can't do this alone Lord, I need your help. I pray that I become willing to follow whatever your plan is for me, and that you send the Holy Spirit down on me to help me have a calm heart and patience in waiting for your plans for me. I know this is all for the greater good. Help me Lord to concentrate more on You, on bringing glory and praise to your name, to worship you. Help me to soften the desire to expand my family, and increase the desire to please you. May your will be done with my life, whatever that may be. Thank you Lord for all you have already given me. I praise you!
In Jesus Precious name,
Amen.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
A GTKY email
Ok, I admit it, I stole this off of Cindy's blog. :) Thanks hon. One of those get to know you emails.
1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES? biege, with strawberries on them.
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Vanishing Acts by Jodi Picoult
3. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? don't have one. We have an optical mouse.
4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Trivia pursuits, Candyland
5. LEAST FAVORITE SMELLS? the smell of changing Ryan's underwear when he doesn't go poop in the potty.
6. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF IN THE MORNING? I need to take my temp.
7. FAVORITE COLOR? blue
8. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR? orange
9. HOW MANY RINGS UNTIL YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? It depends..one or two. Depends on how fast I can get it out of my pocket.
10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? will not disclose that until I'm actually pg.
11. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate
12. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? not usually.
13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? no
14. DO YOU LIKE THUNDERSTORMS? no, I'm terrified of them.
15. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES? brown
16. SIGN? Gemini
17. THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? if I have to. Never used to, but for Ryan's benefit yes.
18. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB, WHAT WOULD IT BE? a singer
19. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY COLOR HAIR WHAT WOULD IT BE? deep auburn red.
20. IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? depends on my mood.
21. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE? Back to the Future
22. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? Yes
23. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? nothing
24. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 28
25. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Professional football (NFL, namely Packers)
26. YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST INTENSE PAIN? the pain right after childbirth.
27. PERSON MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? n/a
28. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? n/a
29. KETCHUP OR MUSTARD? Ketchup
30. HAMBURGER OR HOT DOG? hamburger
31. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? summer
32. THE BEST PLACE YOU HAVE EVER BEEN? DisneyWorld
33. FAVORITE FAST FOOD? Burger King Whopper
34. YOUR BIRTH PLACE? Milwaukee, Wisconsin
35. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD? 2 people...Bob and Ryan
36. WHERE IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO SHOP? Target
37. WHAT DAY OF THE WEEK IS YOUR FAVORITE AND WHY? Don't really have a favorite day. It's the same almost everyday.
38. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CAR OR TRUCK? Honda Odessey
39. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING TO DO?clean the bathroom
40. TELL US ABOUT YOUR MOST VIVID DREAM - ummm, can't go there. LOL
1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES? biege, with strawberries on them.
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Vanishing Acts by Jodi Picoult
3. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? don't have one. We have an optical mouse.
4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Trivia pursuits, Candyland
5. LEAST FAVORITE SMELLS? the smell of changing Ryan's underwear when he doesn't go poop in the potty.
6. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF IN THE MORNING? I need to take my temp.
7. FAVORITE COLOR? blue
8. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR? orange
9. HOW MANY RINGS UNTIL YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? It depends..one or two. Depends on how fast I can get it out of my pocket.
10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? will not disclose that until I'm actually pg.
11. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate
12. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? not usually.
13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? no
14. DO YOU LIKE THUNDERSTORMS? no, I'm terrified of them.
15. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES? brown
16. SIGN? Gemini
17. THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? if I have to. Never used to, but for Ryan's benefit yes.
18. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB, WHAT WOULD IT BE? a singer
19. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY COLOR HAIR WHAT WOULD IT BE? deep auburn red.
20. IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? depends on my mood.
21. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE? Back to the Future
22. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? Yes
23. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? nothing
24. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 28
25. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Professional football (NFL, namely Packers)
26. YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST INTENSE PAIN? the pain right after childbirth.
27. PERSON MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? n/a
28. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? n/a
29. KETCHUP OR MUSTARD? Ketchup
30. HAMBURGER OR HOT DOG? hamburger
31. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? summer
32. THE BEST PLACE YOU HAVE EVER BEEN? DisneyWorld
33. FAVORITE FAST FOOD? Burger King Whopper
34. YOUR BIRTH PLACE? Milwaukee, Wisconsin
35. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD? 2 people...Bob and Ryan
36. WHERE IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO SHOP? Target
37. WHAT DAY OF THE WEEK IS YOUR FAVORITE AND WHY? Don't really have a favorite day. It's the same almost everyday.
38. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CAR OR TRUCK? Honda Odessey
39. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING TO DO?clean the bathroom
40. TELL US ABOUT YOUR MOST VIVID DREAM - ummm, can't go there. LOL
Waiting and waiting....
Af is due tomorrow. This has been the hardest 2ww of my total TTC journey I think. I'm not sure what to think. My temp is still up very high, which is rare for being 12 DPO. I'm still having symptoms (I've been having them since 8 DPO)...such as cramps, increased appetite, thirst, frequent urination. Today the cramps are more pronounced...like af is going to show any minute. No spotting as of yet. It's going to be a long day. I plan on testing tomorrow if temp is still high and no af.
The problem is I'm on a progesterone supplement, and because I haven't been on it before, I'm not sure what it is doing to my body. So I'm not sure if the symptoms I'm feeling are from the progesterone or true pg symptoms. I hate waiting!!!! *sigh*
Wish me luck in waiting....and say some prayers that this is my month.
The problem is I'm on a progesterone supplement, and because I haven't been on it before, I'm not sure what it is doing to my body. So I'm not sure if the symptoms I'm feeling are from the progesterone or true pg symptoms. I hate waiting!!!! *sigh*
Wish me luck in waiting....and say some prayers that this is my month.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
scrapbooking and other ramblings
Today I went to an all day scrapbooking crop. It was so much fun and so very much needed. This progesterone is throwing my moods into vicious swings, so I needed to get out for a day, spend the day with the girls and chatted and worked! I got 12 pages done!!!! woo hoo!! I was on a roll today. I'm still about a year behind...I'm working on Ryan's 2nd year book...considering he's in his 4th year now!!! LOL But I had lots of fun, and had a good time talking to Lisa and Shannon, whom I haven't had much of a chance to talk to lately. I rarely get a day to myself so it was really nice.
Along with the mood swings I've mentioned, I've also had a major increase in appetite and strange cravings! I can't seem to stop eating....no matter what it is. Every time I see a commercial for food I just want whatever it is they are advertising. Food network....fogettaboutit!! I know I'm thin and can stand to gain a few pounds, but this is getting ridiculous!! I'm constantly hungry! I also have been having strange cravings lately......the other day it was ranch dressing!!! I actually put some in a bowl and was eating it straight!! LOL Very strange.
I woke up this morning with cramps...af type of cramps. It's way too early for af. My chart is nothing at all like I've ever seen before....very unlike my normal charts. I'm chalking all this up to progesterone. Since I've never taken progesterone before, I'm figuring this is all from that. Guess I'll find out in a few days.
A very good friend of mine got a BFP yesterday after 3 years of ttc!! (Congrats again Crystal hon!!!!) I can't even tell you how excited that made me, how much hope that gives me!! That is can happen...it may take a long long time, but it can happen! She has given me so much encouragement, she has no idea! It just makes me realize that if you have faith and keep on trying, eventually it will happen, in God's time.
Along with the mood swings I've mentioned, I've also had a major increase in appetite and strange cravings! I can't seem to stop eating....no matter what it is. Every time I see a commercial for food I just want whatever it is they are advertising. Food network....fogettaboutit!! I know I'm thin and can stand to gain a few pounds, but this is getting ridiculous!! I'm constantly hungry! I also have been having strange cravings lately......the other day it was ranch dressing!!! I actually put some in a bowl and was eating it straight!! LOL Very strange.
I woke up this morning with cramps...af type of cramps. It's way too early for af. My chart is nothing at all like I've ever seen before....very unlike my normal charts. I'm chalking all this up to progesterone. Since I've never taken progesterone before, I'm figuring this is all from that. Guess I'll find out in a few days.
A very good friend of mine got a BFP yesterday after 3 years of ttc!! (Congrats again Crystal hon!!!!) I can't even tell you how excited that made me, how much hope that gives me!! That is can happen...it may take a long long time, but it can happen! She has given me so much encouragement, she has no idea! It just makes me realize that if you have faith and keep on trying, eventually it will happen, in God's time.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
This is it
I'm afraid to say that if I'm not pg this month, that it will be the end for us. I won't stop ttc...I don't think I could ever do that. I have been at this for almost 2 yrs, it's in my nature I think now. When you want something so bad, there is just no way you can really give up. So we won't be preventing, but if it didn't happen this month I have decided to discontinue the medications.
It was a very difficult decision for me to make. I really don't want to give up the medications, since my body is taking to clomid very well. I really feel that it would only be a matter of months on clomid and progesterone before it happens. Unfortunately though, it's the finances that are taking the brunt of this. Bob and I talked about it last night, and it was actually my decision to stop. We just don't have the funds to continue. We are so far behind as is....barely have money for groceries this week. So I guess it's time to stop for a while. Maybe in a few months or so when we can get back on our feet and get back into better financial ground, we might be able to go back on clomid again. But for now, I have a son and a husband that needs my attention, love, and money!
Another reason for stopping is my marriage. After this past ovulation time, when we had a huge argument and he said some very hurtful things to me, I realized that for the sake of our marriage and relationship, we need to cut back on ttc. He is feeling the pressure and stress and frustration, and I'm getting obsessed and upset that he's not cooperating. I think it's time to take a step back and see if things will happen naturally, like they are supposed to. I'm learning that I'm not in control of this, as much as I want to be. If God wants me to be pg, if it's in His plan, then no matter what I do or don't do, it will happen. Or the opposite...If it's not in His plan for me to have another baby, then no matter what I do, it won't happen. I need to trust that God has my best interests, and that it's all for the Greater Good. He loves me, and I need to love Him by trusting in Him.
So hard to do. I'm working on that...it's a struggle everyday...especially when you "think" you know what is best for you.
I still have a week yet before I know if this month is a bust or not. But in all honesty, I'm pretty much acting like it is a bust. 22 months of getting your hopes up is just way too long. I'm exhausted, I'm upset, I'm frustrated.
I'm saddened at the thought that this is the end of medical treatment, but I know it's for the best right now.
It was a very difficult decision for me to make. I really don't want to give up the medications, since my body is taking to clomid very well. I really feel that it would only be a matter of months on clomid and progesterone before it happens. Unfortunately though, it's the finances that are taking the brunt of this. Bob and I talked about it last night, and it was actually my decision to stop. We just don't have the funds to continue. We are so far behind as is....barely have money for groceries this week. So I guess it's time to stop for a while. Maybe in a few months or so when we can get back on our feet and get back into better financial ground, we might be able to go back on clomid again. But for now, I have a son and a husband that needs my attention, love, and money!
Another reason for stopping is my marriage. After this past ovulation time, when we had a huge argument and he said some very hurtful things to me, I realized that for the sake of our marriage and relationship, we need to cut back on ttc. He is feeling the pressure and stress and frustration, and I'm getting obsessed and upset that he's not cooperating. I think it's time to take a step back and see if things will happen naturally, like they are supposed to. I'm learning that I'm not in control of this, as much as I want to be. If God wants me to be pg, if it's in His plan, then no matter what I do or don't do, it will happen. Or the opposite...If it's not in His plan for me to have another baby, then no matter what I do, it won't happen. I need to trust that God has my best interests, and that it's all for the Greater Good. He loves me, and I need to love Him by trusting in Him.
So hard to do. I'm working on that...it's a struggle everyday...especially when you "think" you know what is best for you.
I still have a week yet before I know if this month is a bust or not. But in all honesty, I'm pretty much acting like it is a bust. 22 months of getting your hopes up is just way too long. I'm exhausted, I'm upset, I'm frustrated.
I'm saddened at the thought that this is the end of medical treatment, but I know it's for the best right now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)