What if?

I'm freaking out today! I know I shouldn't be...and I've even prayed about it this morning, but I'm really freaking out! I've gotten better about stressing out during the 2ww, especially since I've only been having 10 day lp's. But today I just "feel" it. Something is different. Or maybe I just want something to feel different, therefore I think it is. I keep running to the bathroom to check for spotting. My temp is up today which is unusual....I'm having some symptoms though they could just all be in my head. aug. I promised myself I wouldn't do this to myself again. I think I'm honestly afraid to NOT be pg...what if I'm not, what if I can never get pg again, what if I'm having all these symptoms for nothing. But I'm also afraid TO be pg...what if I actually am pg...what if I have another m/c, or something else happens? I know I shouldn't be thinking what if's.....and if I didn't have some symptoms plus my temp up, I wouldn't. But this is the closest I've come in quiet a long time to a possiblity of getting that BFP. I have prayed for a calm heart, and normally it works, but today I'm just too strung out I guess. I'm trying to keep my mind off of it...and I really don't want to get disapointed about this. If I'm not pg, so what? I get clomid next month right? We just keep trying...keep trucking along. So quite honestly what am I so worried about? My symptoms most likely aren't real anyway. I had spotting yesterday...well, I have spotting just about every month at 8 DPO. I had frequent urination..well, that could be from nerves. I have cramping...I get cramping every month. Even my temp today isn't much different...I have previous months where my temp was up at 9DPO. So realistically this month isn't any different than any other month. I need to hold on to that so I don't freak out too much and then get disappointed when af comes in a few days. Yes, I'm crazy! :)