Grieving

So now that things have calmed down a bit (for the moment) I now have some time to reflect on the events of the past 2 weeks. Not just the birth of my miracle baby, but on other things that have happened. Because I was so involved with Kyle's birth and trying to get used to the long nights and days again, I haven't had time to really grieve over the losses I have had these past 2 weeks.

5 days before I was to be induced, my mom told me that my Great Aunt died. The funeral was 2 days before I had to be induced. Being 38 weeks pg, I wouldn't be able to go. (honestly, not that I would have....I have a thing about funerals. I only go to them if I absolutely HAVE to. I'm rather sensitive and tend to get nightmares from looking at a dead body. I know..I'm weird. But dead bodies freak me out.) Anyway, the funeral was 2-3 hours away so I wouldn't be able to travel that far. The news of her passing didn't surprise me as she was sick for quite some time.

The day after my Great Aunt's passing, I learned that my paternal grandmother passed away. Also not surprising, as she also was sick for a while (she was 95!). But it just had to happen the WEEK I was being induced! I also could not go to the funeral, since it not only was 2-3 hours away (in Appleton), but it was onThursday...the DAY I was being induced! I had to be at the hospital by 5pm and wouldn't have made it in time. What was difficult though, not only did I not go, but my parents went, and they were the ones that were supposed to watch Ryan! So with some debating and figuring out what to do with Ryan when I go to the hospital, we got all that figured out.

Now with the birth of Kyle, I barely had time to really grieve over those 2 deaths.

They say death comes in 3's. Or is that plane crashes?? Well, either way, just when I thought I could be incredibly happy over the events in my life, I learn of yet another death.

This one has affected me the most. I've never had a friend of mine pass away before. I've had animals that I was close to die, my maternal grandma I was close to passed away almost 7 years ago, but never any friends. I'm way too young for that. Or so I thought.

I didn't get the news until a few days after Kyle's birth, once I was settled in at home and in good spirits. Bob learned about this a few days before me, but he kept it from me until he knew I wasn't going to lose it.

My good friend Valerie passed away Jan 31...the day before I was induced. My mom heard the news about it while I was in the hospital, and told Bob when he called to let them know Kyle was born. Talk about a shocker!! Bob had the smart sense to not tell me at that point though.

A little background about Val.

She was not a friend in the sense of "peer". She actually was my next door neighbor when I was growing up. She was about 20 years older than me, and her husband 20 years older than her. They had a Great Dane named Ginger whom I absolutely loved. In fact, Ginger was the main reason we were friends to begin with. I had never seen such a huge dog before! They used to let me come over and pet her and feed her hot dogs, and soon it became a good friendship. I would go over to their house everyday after school, play with Ginger and talk with Valerie about boys and school and all sorts of things. She was sort of like my big sister. Then Carl (her husband) would come home from work and he would tell me silly jokes. He had always loved me like a second father. Very sweet man. Then I would go home for dinner. This happend this way everyday for years...all throughout most of my school days.

In May 1989 Ginger passed away. I was so devastated at losing that dog. I never had pets of my own, but it was like I had lost my best friend. I grieved with Val and Carl. They ended up getting another Great Dane and I continued to go over everyday.

I really don't remember what year it was, but as I got older and later in high school, when I got boyfriends and best friends and an active social life, I stopped going over as much. They were still my friends and I still saw them, but not nearly as much. Then one day they decided to move way up in northern Wisconsin, in Lac du Flambeau. Being that it was 8 hours away, obviously I didn't see them anymore. We wrote letters back and forth for many years.

Once Bob and I took a trip up there and stayed there for a weekend. It was absolutely beautiful and I cherish those pictures I have.

A few years later they decided to move to Tennessee. They continued to have their Great Danes and continued to be my close friends, but I never got to see them again. It's just too hard to make the trip there, especially once I got married and started a family. I had always planned on making a trip down to TN eventually, but there never was a good time.

My letters to them became less and less as my life got busier. With the internet and email so convenient, I lost the desire to write snail mail letters. (they didn't have a computer). I regret that. The last few years I only sent them a Christmas letter and birthday cards. How did I go from seeing them every single day to barely speaking? Somethings in life we tend to regret after the fact. If only I had written more often. Not that they evef disowned me or anything. In fact, the last letters I got they talked about old times and how much they miss me. It just breaks my heart.

So hearing the news of Valerie's passing just brings me to tears. I never expected it. She was only in her 50's. Way too young. She really wasn't even sick. I don't know a whole lot of details on her death, but it's just so tragic. What poor Carl must be going through now. I sent him a sympathy card, but I'm thinking of sending a letter too.

When I first heard the news a few days after Kyle's birth, I didn't shed any tears. I didn't really know what to think or say. I was in shock. It was the kind of news that had to sink in for me to really fully understand it. I had so much going on in my head already...the new baby and various other things going on in the house (that's a whole other post) and trying desperately to avoid PPD, that I just couldn't process it. I didn't have any time to grieve.

Now that things have calmed down, I have time to breathe and think, I'm grieving, crying. Is this what it's like to lose someone you were close to? The what if's and regrets? I regret not writing as much, not calling, not making an effort to visit. I feel guilt and just plan sad. She was such a good friend of mine. And though I didn't speak to her much over the last few years, she was still very dear in my heart.

I miss you my friend Valerie. May you rest in God's peace.

From your "dear girl" with so much love.

This was taken up in Lac du Flambeau somewhere in 1996 or 97. Valerie is on the left, I'm in the middle, Carl on the right, and Roxy in front.