Writers Wednesday 4/19/06

Today I am posting an excerpt from a profile I did for my current project. As you know, I'm writing a novel. This is Becky's profile, the main character of the book. I am only posting an excerpt since the rest of it is talking about how she relates to the other characters in the book. This is to show how I make up a character. Enjoy!

Profile of Becky

Name: Rebecca Janell Casey, “Becky”, “Becca” Alias "Ashley Beth"
Birthday: Jan 23, 1976
Age: 30
Profession: Supervisor at Today’s Bank in Milwaukee, WI

· Appearance: Long auburn red hair, reaching down to chest level. Petite, small frame. 5’3”. Brown eyes, thin, pretty face. Carries herself with confidence.

· Clothing: likes to wear business suits to work, skirts, blazers, very professional. At home likes to lounge in sweatpants, t shirts, sweatshirts. Likes to dress trendy and find new fads/trends. Always styles her hair.

· Engagement ring from Anthony: white gold band with a solitaire round half caret diamond.

· Likes to wear jewelry, mainly necklaces. Has a favorite necklace she received from her father when she was little of a small garnet on a gold chain. She keeps it in a special red velvet bag in her jewelry box. It’s the only thing she has from her father.

· GED Tutored at UCLA

· Degree: BS in Business Administration, minor in Communications from Marquette University. Graduated in the top 5% of class.

- used to be a teen pop princess, went by the name Ashley Beth. Had 3 hit albums and won a Grammy award.

Personality

· Outgoing. She loves to go out and have a good time, likes to go places and try different things. Gets bored quickly with repetition.
· Spontaneous. Enjoys spur of the moment activities, loves the thrill of not knowing what’s going to happen. Impulsive.
· Open-minded. Is open to many different things; doesn’t mind people that are different from her, takes an interest in others opinions.
· Self reliant. Has a lot of confidence in herself and what she does.
· Independent. She’s had to grow up fast during her youth. Though her younger years she was very dependant on others, she learned to become independent and now never relies on anyone for things she can do herself.
· Assertive. Will stand up for what she believes in
· Socialable and attention seeking. Loves to be the center of attention most of the time, unless she feels threatened. Prefers to be with others in a group than be by herself.
· Carries grudges. Doesn’t forgive easily.
· Loves hard rock music, going to concerts, parties, likes to drink occasionally. Loves to dance. Prefers to go out to a good dance club and eat a basket of chicken fingers than going to an art museum or seeing a ballet.
· Prefers to have a night out on the town if given a choice.
· Likes a good football game once in a while. Still cheers on the Green Bay Packers now and then.
· Doesn’t feel it necessary to get married. She has seen the damage in her parents’ marriage and is turned off by marriage. Afraid she may get hurt.
· Doesn’t see children in her future anytime soon. Would prefer to wait a while before having children. Doesn’t see herself as a family type of person.

Family

Felicia Casey- mother. 52.
Henry Casey- father 55
Hunter Casey- brother 33
Mother and father divorced when Becky was 5 yrs old. Henry was an alcoholic and had an affair. After years of fighting, he finally left the marriage. Becky hasn’t seen her father since he left when she was 5. She has few memories of him, but still has the only gift he gave her, the necklace. She learned the truth of her father when she became a professional singer when it came out in the tabloids. She was upset that Felicia didn’t tell her about it years ago.

Felicia did the best she could as a single mother. She worked 2 jobs. The neighbors watched Hunter and Becky most days while Felicia worked. Becky has few recollections of her mother from childhood…she spent more time at the neighbors than with her mother. When she was 14 she saw an ad for Talent Search, offering $5000 as a prize. Becky convinced her mother to sign her up so she could win the money for her.
Becky has a decent relationship with her mother. Felicia was always more protective of Becky due to being a single parent. She didn’t want Becky to make the same mistake as her…didn’t want Becky to get into music biz, but since there was no stopping her, Felicia made sure she was the manager and oversaw all aspects of Becky’s career and life. Would drive Becky nuts. Hated her back then, but now has a much better relationship with her mother.

Hunter was a troubled kid from the time Henry left the family. Hunter took it hard and started drinking and smoking at age 10. He fell into the wrong crowd and by age 13 he was stealing cars and running from the law. He was arrested at age 16 for drug dealing and accessory to murder. He was tried as an adult and sentenced to 20 yrs in jail. He is up for parole next year. Becky has very little contact with him. She sends him a birthday card and Christmas card each year. She feels he abandoned the family and is no better than their father.

She has always been determined to make something of herself since no one else in her family has. She thought being famous would make up for the lack of family she had. Once she left singing behind, she believed going to school and having a normal career would make her successful and happy.

Felicia didn’t like Michael back when she met him, when Becky did a duet with him and the band. Didn’t want Becky to get caught up in that lifestyle…afraid she would turn out just like her father or brother. Becky fought with her to do this.
Becky didn’t tell her mother she was dating Michael until she turned 18, so Felicia couldn’t say anything about it. Felicia was upset at first, fought with Becky, but didn’t stop her.
When Becky left her singing career to be manager of Black Ice, Felicia moved back to Wisconsin.

Relationships

· Michael Lowrance (31)
He is her first serious relationship. She meets him at Grammy Awards when she is 17. (Feb). She collaborates on a duet with him and band during the summer, and she starts dating him Aug. She turned 18 in Jan and tells her mother, who isn’t thrilled.
Michael and Becky get engaged when she’s 20. Throughout the time Felicia and Michael end up liking each other since he’s not the typical rock star. Becky helped Michael kick his drug habit when she first dated him.

· Jered Smith (21)
Becky’s tutor when she decides to get her GED during the summer she’s 20. Brown hair, muscled frame, 6’0”, 170 lbs. Hazel eyes. Very nice looking. Becky is smitten at first glance. She flirts with him and he flirts back. She loves that he’s paying attention to her. She has sex with him a month into the tutoring, she takes her ring off so he doesn’t know she’s engaged. She leaves Michael for him. The relationship lasts a few more months. Jered is using her for the sex and fame, thinks she’s easy. Once he is bored with her he dumps her.

· Gabe Peterson (23)
Met in college. He was a Marketing major, she met him in one of her classes. He also knew she used to be a singer, but wasn’t using her for it. They dated for about a year. It got serious toward the end. He graduated and received a job offer in New York. He asked her to marry him and move out there with him. She turned him down…she still had another year of school left and refused to give up her life for a man ever again. They never saw each other again. She was upset but moved on quickly.

· Anthony Perozzi (30)
Met at the bank where she works. He came in to switch bank accounts and she opened up his account. It was love at first sight. They dated for a year and then he proposed to her on Christmas in front of his family. She felt obligated to say yes so as not to cause embarrassment. She loves him but is unsure of the whole marriage idea. She’s doing it mainly because she thinks this is what a “normal” life is supposed to be like.

· Sabrina
Becky’s best friend. They met at the bank where Becky works. Sabrina was hired shortly after Becky was. Sabrina is an accounts specialist, working alongside Becky. They became friends quickly. Sabrina is the first female best friend she’s ever had. She tells her everything. Trusts her with anything. They both have similar personalities, like to do the same type of things. Get along really well, compliment each other.

Wouldn't be Easter without family

And of course, there's the egg hunt at grandma and grandpa's. He's all dressed up in his Easter suit, looking for eggs.



Every year he gets presents from grandma and grandpa on Easter. He didn't care too much for the clothes.



But grandma made up for it when she gave him a bubble machine. It was kinda cold out so we did it in the basement.

Easter morning

Here is our egg hunt on Easter morning. Ryan did great finding the eggs..had some trouble finding his basket though. We had to help him on that.





Here he is with his Easter basket. Along with those books and a few cars, he also got a little bit of candy, some fruit snacks, granola bars, and chips.

Church Easter Egg hunt

Ryan has been spoiled with Easter this year. He's been to 3 egg hunts! Here is the egg hunt we went to with my church Bible study. It was so nice out we decided to do it at R's house rather than at the church. She has a huge yard with a nice swingset and plenty of toys, so the kids enjoyed playing outside. Most of them didn't mind waiting for their turn to hunt. Here is Ryan waiting his turn by just "hanging around."



Here he is hunting for eggs. Each child was allowed to find 12 eggs a piece. He had lots of fun with is this year.

How much is that kitty in the window?

Last week when it was so nice out, we've been opening the windows in the house, trying to get some fresh air circulating. Cally just loves open windows. The second the window is open she is right there. Here is a view of her from the outside.

Song of the Day

I'm sitting here listening to my Yahoo music (which I'm horribly addicted to) and I have listened to so many older songs that I'm going down amnesia lane. I have my own custom station that mainly plays many of my favorites, so of course I'm bound to hear many songs that have some meaning to me. I'm huge into songs....I have a song for just about everything. I have a song for every boyfriend I've ever had, along with every boy I've ever even liked (there are lots there), songs that remind me of certain times in my life, certain situations, certain people. I'm a sentimental sap I know. :D

The song of the day is Miss you in a Heartbeat by Def Leppard. This song has special meaning to me as is my song with an ex-boyfriend (Mike). I met him back in college...at Lakeland. He didn't go to school, but I met him a dance club I frequented. He came up to me during this song and we danced to it. That was how I met him. We only dated for 2 months (I ended up leaving him for Bob), but the song still reminds me of him. We usd to go to the dance club together. It was nice to have a boyfriend that loved to dance as much as I did.
Now, even though the song still reminds me of him, I still love the song. I think it's one of Def Leppards best songs.

Friends Forever

Yesterday I spent the day at a friend's house (a friend I have known since high school). Ryan had spent the night at my parents' house and I drove the 80 miles to D's house. She has a 6 yr old and 3 yr old special needs twins who just had surgery 3 weeks ago. I was supposed to be going to help her out, but she really didn't need any help. The twins are doing better and she seemed to have things under control. But we spent the day talking and catching up. Because she lives quite a distance away, we don't get to see each other much anymore. It was a nice day.

Alleluiah He is Risen!

"After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven, and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.
The angel said to the women, 'Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him'. Now I have told you." - Matthew 28:1-7

PRAISE THE LORD!! HE IS RISEN!!

The Songwriter

About a month back I had written a song for my book. As I had mentioned before, I talked to my producer contact about it.

I wrote the song in about 2 weeks and then sent it to him via the yahoo group. He mentioned to me that it might take him a while to write the music since he was going through some personal problems at the time. I opted to let it go for a while--I didn't want to push it and it's not a huge deal if I don't get the music for this. It's just for a book anyway.

I had pretty much thought he had forgotten about it until this morning, when I received a message from him in the group letting me know he finished writing the music for the song! Holy cats!! If that isn't exciting enough, not only did he finish writing the music, but he's going to be working at a recording studio today and will see if he can get a few hours booked so he can record the music!!! Then he wants to get two singers (it's a duet) to sing it!!! When it's done he'll send me copies on CD!!!!!
He even believes we may have a "hit" on our hands!! haha

I'm just so excited about this!! My first song I've ever written...and now there will be music and singers to it!!! I wonder if I should go into songwriting for a profession? hhhmm, new career option! LOL

Now I'm visualizing my book being published with a CD! Not only can you read the book, but you can then hear the song that goes with it!

I'm now even more motivated to write this book and get it published!

Comments

Comments are always welcome to any/all of my posts! Please feel free to write to me! Just click on the word "Comment" on the bottom of each post and type in your comment! If you aren't a member of blogger, you can just put yourself as "anonymous".

I'd be more than happy to read your comments!!

Writers Wednesday 4/12/06

Last One


A dream love
A stolen kiss
A broken heart
A fatal attraction

A love taken from a dream
Nurtured into reality
A neverending passion
A desire burning of fire

A kiss stolen from another
Someone else's owned lips
Forbidden yet desirable
A love ungranted

The truth unknown
Becomes a crime of passion
A heart breaking in the night
He shall never love again.


By: Brenda J. Branski
4-8-93

Writers Wednesday

I'm doing something new. Every Wed will be Writers Wednesday. Since I am inspiring to become an author, I feel I should write more, along with promoting myself some more! haha Anyway, I thought it would be fun to start a writers Wed. I will be posting various things I have written. Maybe a poem, a story, maybe even an excerpt from my current writings. I may also post one of my favorite poems or stories written by someone else. Enjoy!

You know it's Spring when...

It's a sure sign it's Spring here when the birds start building their nests on our outdoor light! We get these birds nests every year. Two years ago we bought a different light that would be harder for them to build on. But every year they still try. For the next 2 months we will be taking down the beginning of nests on our light!

Spring Fever!

Spring is in the air here! It's 70 degrees today, and Ryan and I celebrated by taking a nice walk and working in the yard. We both really enjoyed the nice Spring weather! Here he is helping me clean the yard by raking.



Here he is in his new sunglasses, just hanging out with me on the deck. No furniture yet...it's still a little early here to get out our deck chairs, but we didn't sit down much anyway.




Here is Ryan "fixing" his lawnmower before the beginning of the season. He had to make sure it worked before he decided to cut the grass.

Per request

Alright. I got a request to see some "old" pics of me back in my cheerleading days. Just to warn you, I don't have a scanner, so I had to take pics of pics. Not the best quality, but you get the idea.

This one is when I was a football cheerleader at Lakeland College in Sheboygan WI. I was only at that school for a year, and only a cheerleader for the one football season. It was my first time being a cheerleader. I never even had to try out for the squad since they had such a low response, and we weren't a "professional" squad at that point. We were the Lakeland Muskies (yes, a fish). The camp we had when I first got there was so much fun. It was the best time I've ever had being a cheerleader. It wasn't a professional UCA camp...it was just a camp for us on the squad held on campus. It was held the week before classes started, so we had virtually most of the campus to ourselves. We spent most of the days working out, learning routines, learning about each other. I made some good friends that way and we really built up our loyalty and friendships.
The cheering itself was so much fun. I learned so much about cheering and football! haha When I was a cheerleader there, I didn't even know what a first and ten was or anything about football! haha Now I love football! Anyway, when I think of cheering, I usually think of this one semester where I had the most fun. Here is a pic...I was 18 yrs old on this pic, my freshman year at college.




Here is the picture from my cheering days at Cardinal Stritch University (College at the time..they changed to University status after I graduated). I attented there for 3.5 yrs, and cheered for 3 of those years. We didn't have a football team, so we cheered for basketball and soccer. We were the Stritch Crusaders. It was fun for the first few years. We went to a UCA cheer camp for a week. However, I wish we had a personal camp like Lakeland did it. I think we didn't gel very well as a squad...there were quite a few big egos, many non-dedicated ladies, and some that were in it just for the status. We were all also on different cheer levels too. It was hard and at times very frustrating. I finally got so fed up with it I ended up quiting my senior year, 2 weeks before the end of the season. I could have finished out the season since we only had 4 games left, but I was so fed up with the big egos I couldn't stand it anymore.
Anyway, at times it was fun. I still do miss it. I also still have the uniform...they were getting new ones the following year; they changed the colors and the name of the team since they were switching to unversity status. I doubt I can still fit into it though. LOL I was about 21 when this pic was taken.



There's your blast from the past! Hope you enjoyed it!

"Without cheerleading, it's only a game."

Boogie Nights

Last weekend Bob, Ryan, and I all went to Bob's cousin's wedding. It was the first time we took Ryan to a wedding (other than Julie's when he was a year old...but he was pretty easy maintenence back then LOL). It was--interesting. He was reallly good until about dinner time...when we had some issues. I won't go into those at the moment though.

Anyway, it's a good thing I had him practicing at home all those days with dancing. He had so much fun dancing at the reception! He didn't dance like normal 3 yr olds...who normally just run around the floor or jump up and down. Instead he danced just like an adult does! It was the cutest thing. He loved dancing so much, he would have a tantrum every time we had to leave the dance floor for slow songs or the bouquet toss. We ended up leaving at 9pm (an hour and a half past his bedtime mind you) because he just was getting too tired. But he had a great time!

Here is a pic of Ryan and I dancing...sorry you get the back of me! LOL



Here is a pic of me ready for the wedding. I rarely wear make up..so it's one of my better pics I guess! haha

Cheerleading

I was talking last night with a friend of mine about cheerleading. I used to be a cheerleader back in my college days (way back when), and sometimes I miss it.

Well, almost as if it had been planned, I turned on the tv this afternoon and the UCA cheerleading competitions were on ESPN! I haven't seen those in ages. It really reminded me of my cheer days. Grant it, I wasn't anywhere near the competition level (neither was my squad), but it sure brought back some memories of cheering and the cheer camps I had gone to. It was so nice to see the competitions and relive a bit of my past.

Jesus Take the Wheel

If any of you have had a bad day (like me today), here is a song you just HAVE to hear. If not hear it, at least read the lyrics. It always brings me hope and makes me feel so much better. It's my song of hope right now.

"Jesus Take The Wheel" by Carrie Underwood

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It's been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh

I'm still here...

Just wanted to let you all know I'm still around. Just haven't felt up to writing any updates lately. I haven't had much time to write my book recently, so any extra time I have to write I have been concentrating on the book.

I promise to update soon!!

Cute story :)

If any of you are familiar with the book series by Laura Numeroff, "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie", you will certainly like this. A woman from my MOPS group wrote this. It's based on that series...and it's great! Just had to share!

If You Give a Mom a Muffin

If you give a mom a muffin,
she'll want a cup of coffee to go with it.

She'll pour herself some.
Her three- year-old will spill the coffee.

She'll wipe it up.
Wiping the floor, she'll find dirty socks.

She'll remember she has to do laundry.
When she puts the laundry in the washer, she'll trip
over boots and bump into the freezer.

Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan dinner.

The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail. She will see the overdue
phone bill. She will look for her checkbook. The checkbook is in her
purse, being dumped out by her two-year-old.

Approaching the two-year-old,
she will smell something funny.

She'll change the two-year-olds' diaper.
While she is changing the diaper, the phone will ring.

Her five-year-old will answer and hang up.
She'll remember she wants to phone a friend for coffee.

Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.

And chances are, if she has a cup of coffee,
her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.

Written by: Kathy Fictorie

Not much to update

Haven't had much to post about this week. It's been a rather boring week. I have had a stomach bug the last 2 days so I haven't been up to doing much.

Yesterday was just a bad day all around. Ryan was in a bad mood, I wasn't feeling well, Bob ran over some road debris on the way home from work and it punctured his tire. It also ruined the bearings or something or other like that. Cost $300 to get it fixed. My SIL is in the hospital..for what I don't know yet, and then there's the whole situation with my brother. So it wasn't a good day.

Today has been a bit better at least!

I think I O'd a few days ago. I will probably check my temp tomorrow (just because I'm curious and it's hard to stop!) to see. But I think I O'd on Monday...which I think was CD 14. I haven't looked at a calender or my chart lately...but I'm pretty sure it was CD 14. I have NEVER O'd that early before. Not that we have much of a chance this month anyway...since the only day we BD'd was Friday, which would be CD 11. Fat chance I'll be pg. But anything can happen.

That's life in a nut shell for me this week. Boring week! LOL Aahh, the life of a stay at home mom.

Rabbit jokes

Here are some of my favorite rabbit jokes :)

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it!

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way!

What did the rabbit put in the computer?

a floppy disk!

What did the rabbit give his girlfriend?

a 14 carrot ring!

What do you call 99 rabbits hopping backwards?

a receding hare line!

Donkey's receipt

This is one of my favorite jokes....I cleaned it up a bit though to make it a bit more clean :)

When the ark's door was closed, Noah called a meeting with all the animals.
"Listen up!" Noah said with a demanding voice. "There will be NO sex on this trip. Not even the wetting of the tip of your penis. All of you males, take off your penises and hand it in with my son's. I will be sitting over there and write you a receipt. After we see land, you can get your penises back."

After about a week Mr. Rabbit stormed into his wife's cage and was very excited. "Quick!" he said. "Get on my shoulders and look out the window to see if there is any land out there!" Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders and looked out the window."Sorry, no land yet." "Darn!" and out went Mr. Rabbit.

This went on every day until Mrs. Rabbit got fed up with him. "What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for forty days and nights. Only after the water had drained will we be able to see land. But why are you acting so excited every day?"

"Look!" said Mr. Rabbit with a sinister look on his face as he held out a piece of paper. "I got the donkey's receipt!!"

Spring is a'comming

My goodness, I think Spring is finally approaching! I just checked the weather forecast and it's going to be 47 degrees today! However, it's supposed to rain. Figures.
Thursday and Friday it's supposed to be in the 50's....though Thurs it's supposed to be pretty windy and rain on Friday. Typical Wisconsin for you. As soon as we get a warmer day, it has to be windy or rainy so I can't enjoy it anyway. I'm dying for Spring already!

Vintage Portrait

Here is Ryan's Vintage Portrait pic.

Isn't he just adorable?! It's definitely my favorite pic of him right now.

Decisions on pictures

I'm so proud of myself! Ryan had his picture taken a few weeks ago for a Vintage Portrait. It was a fundraiser for my MOPS group (Mothers of Preschoolers). I wasn't planning on doing it, since I tend to go overboard on pictures (I LOVE pics!), but one of the ladies offered to purchase the ticket for me to do it. I figured why not? It would be fun. The problem....I would only get 1 8x10. Anything else I would have to pay for, and mind you, the prices are NOT cheap. The smallest package size, which includes 6 sheets plus a portfolio of color pics, is $100! Are you kidding me??!! That is so pricey, and we can't afford to spend that much on pictures. *sigh* no matter how much I like them.

Anyway, Ryan rarely ever takes a bad picture, so I knew it was going to be hard to pick one out. Last night was the appointment to pick out the picture. I went preparing myself for it. I almost didn't take my money with me, just so I couldn't pay if I was tempted! But I had to go to the store afterwards, so that wouldn't work.

But I lucked out! I was so proud of myself for it. I walked out with just the one free 8x10!! woo hoo! Luckily for me, I didn't like all the pictures. Many of them his smile was not very genuine...he tends to smile too big when he knows he's supposed to smile. And with the black and white film, his teeth seemed to stand out too much. At any rate, I narrowed it down to just 3 pictures. I normally like the smiley, full body type of pics, especially since he was wearing the really cute vintage knickers and all. But I surprised myself and went for the serious close up pose. But it's so adorable!

Anyway, I will take a picture of it and post it. I don't have a scanner so a pic of a pic will have to do! LOL

Great pairing

I just found a concert I really want to go to!!

Bon Jovi will be coming to Chicago in July! I have seen them once a few years ago in Milwaukee, and let me tell you, it was one of the best concerts I've been to! They were incredible, not to mention Jon Bon Jovi is pretty nice to look at! hehe

Anyway, they will be touring for a few dates with Nickelback! I would love to see them! Talk about a great pairing too! That would be something to see!

Not sure if I will be able to go; it all depends on finances and how much the tickets are! But it sure would be cool to go.

Another site..

I know, I've been posting a lot of my favorite sites lately. What can I say...I'm addicted to surfing the net!

One of my favorite bands right now (I mean other than the obvious Great White, Def Leppard, and Bon Jovi that I have ALWAYS liked) is Marty Casey and the Lovehammers. If you watched Rock Star: INXS at all last fall, you would remember Marty. He was the runner up on the show. He has amazing talent, incredible vocals! I was so impressed with the way he transformed "Baby one more Time" from a bubble gum pop song to a dark, grunge type of song. He also did a wonderful rendition of "Wish you were here". I was hoping he would win the competition on Rock Star, but now I'm glad he didn't. I don't think he would have fit in quite as well with INXS, and I knew he would make it big!

Anyway, I love his music. Check out the website. They even have a web diary of the tour they just finished up.

Great Friends

Today I took Ryan to my parents house so they could watch him for the afternoon. I had a really nice, and much needed, girls day out! I got together with my good friend Amy. I used to be best friends with her since grade school/high school. She was my maid of honor at my wedding. We used to get together or at least talk every day back then, but when I went to college we drifted a part a little. She is 3 years younger than me, which now is no big deal, but back then it was hard since she was still in high school while I was in college. We had our own group of friends and were at different places in our lives. We still kept in touch and got together a few times a year though. Anyway, we finally got together today.

I had a blast! I love hanging out with her...I can tell we are still best friends because when we get together, no matter how long it's been since we last saw each other, it always feels like no time has passed since our high school days when we were practically joined at the hip! We talked and talked, about old times, new times, future times, our men in our life, and so much more. It was a blast. We went out to eat, had great Chinese food- I ate way too much as always. LOL After lunch we went shopping! woo hoo! I actually bought some stuff...mostly for Ryan. I at least bought one thing for myself...I nice pair of jeans! yay! Then we went back to her place and chatted a bit more.

It was so much fun. We promised to get together again soon. Hopefully we can fulfil that promise this time! I really miss her.

On another note though....both Bob and Ryan are now sick. :( So I have both a whiny husband and whiny 3 yr old to deal with!! LOL Good thing I had that break today! haha

2 cool sites

These are 2 of my favorite sites at the moment. Just wanted to share!

This is a really cool site I found when I was working on the song. I needed to find words that rhymed and was having a hard time coming up with ones in my head. I never knew you could find a rhyming dictionary online! Very cool...you should check it out if you ever need to find something that rhymes.

Here is another site I have found useful in the last few days. Ryan has finally gotten out of the Robot song (for now) but is now into a different song. Now his favorite song is Wake Up by Hilary Duff. I don't have that one on CD anywhere, but I did find a great site online that plays the song. Check out the song...it's actually really good. I'm becoming a Hilary Duff fan! LOL Just click on one of the windows options to hear it. Ryan calls it the "Wake up on a Saturday night" song. LOL

This weekend

This weekend was another busy weekend. Friday night Julie came over, but only for 10 minutes. She didn't realize she had to work at her part time job, so she ended up having to leave early. Poor Ryan was so upset that his Auntie Julie had to leave.

Saturday we went to a birthday party for one of Ryan's playmates. She turned 4. It was a big turnout...about 20 preschoolers running around! And about twice as many adults. It was a nice party though, not just food for the kids but food for the adults too along with other things. Ryan came home with a helium balloon, a Curious George cookie, a bag of party favors, a bag of candy he picked up from the pinata, and a pretty good sugar high! LOL He had tons of fun though. He's already asking for the next birthday party!

Sat night Julie came over since she felt bad for leaving so early on Friday. We spent the evening discussing the book.

Sunday I went to church and then in the afternoon just hung out at home.

Speaking of my book, it's coming along nicely! I haven't done much with any scenes lately. I spent the last 2 weeks mainly concentrating on the song. I finally have the song written and I feel fairly confident in it! Now I'm just finishing a few profiles and then I think I can get back to the scene writing!

Today I will be going out with a friend of mine whom I don't see very often. Should be fun!

Last weekend

Here are just a few pics of the birthday celebration we had at my brother's house. I don't have many pics, but here are a few cute ones. Sorry I don't have one of my dad!! haha

Here is my brother Darrell playing Rock em Sock em Robots with Ryan. Ryan just loved that game! And by the end of the night, he was pretty good at it!



Here is Ryan helping my brother Don to play Texas Hold 'Em. More like helped him to lose! haha Don didn't win the whole night. LOL

New pics

Finally downloaded the pics from my camera!!

Here is Cally in her favorite spot, right in front of the heating vent. No wonder it's always so cold in here!




Ryan and I stretching before a morning of dancing! He likes to sit right next to me and do exactly what I do.

My weekend

Sorry I haven't updated in a few days. That motivation thing....I'm still working on it. I'm still trying to get over this flu or whatever it is. It went from a horrible sore throat, chills, and aches, to stuffy nose, fatigue, slight cough, to now sore throat again and bad cough. augh. I feel like I'm never going to be back to 100% again. I hate being sick. Especially since I just don't have time to be sick! I'm a mommy, I'm not allowed to be sick!

I did manage to have some fun this weekend though. I went to my brother and SIL's house on Sat. to celebrate my dad's 65th birthday. I was slightly apprehensive at first, simply because you never know what to expect, and their house isn't child proofed. She's a big Disney buff, and she has many things that she collects. Ryan wouldn't understand that of course, so I was just worried about that. But in the end, it all turned out well and we even had a great time! Ryan, even without a nap, did really well. They had some games and toys for him, though I think he was more excited just about being in a different place and getting to hand out with Uncle Don, Aunt Candy, and Uncle Darrell. He had a blast!

It was also fun for me. I took some Dayquil that my mom gave me so after about an hour I was finally able to breathe. My family is huge into card playing, and they wanted to start a Texas Hold 'em tournament. So I figured I'd try it...wasn't too sure I would be able to concentrate with Ryan around and my head in a fog from illness and meds. Turns out though that Ryan was busy most of the afternoon with Aunt Candy or others that were "out" (let me tell you, it felt so good to have an hour fairly child free so I can enjoy some card playing!), and my head couldn't have been in too much of a fog since I won the first tournament!! I beat my brother Don! Too funny. I think he was shocked too! We ended up playing 3 more tournaments, Darrell won 2 and Bob and I were tied for the 3rd. Then we had a nice turkey dinner that both Don and my mom made. YUM! It was like Thanksgiving..turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, dinner rolls, green beans, cranberry sauce, date nut bread. It was good! Then of course, cake for dessert!
It was actually lots of fun.

I also got a USB drive this weekend!! I'm so excited about it! I can now finally save my data for my book I've been writing and not have to worry about it be lost somewhere. I can also now use either my computer or Bob's laptop to write. It also has some cool features on it, and Bob showed me how to organize things into folders. So cool! Now I just have to make sure I don't lose it since it's so small!!

Af showed this morning too. For the first time since TTC, I am not upset or disappointed. In fact, I'm rather indifferent. I'm still carrying the "whatever" attitude. It has now officially been 2 yrs of ttc.

I'm still working on the song. I'm close to having a 1st draft. I'm not liking parts of it, but I'm also my own worst critic. Who knows? Will update again soon!

Lost motivation

I think I've lost my motivation this week to write.

I didn't write anything the whole weekend. I spent that time catching up on my soaps (I watch 2 soap operas). I was seriously falling behind so I needed to catch up.

Monday evening I think I was still floating from the conversation I had with my contact...I couldn't get much written. I wrote about 2 paragraphs in the next scene and a few lines for the song.
Last night I had planned on writing most of the night but I ended being on the phone for most of the night with Julie. She had a very difficult day on Monday and needed to talk. I did manage to write briefly...wrote about half a page on the scene.

Now tonight I'm not sure I will do much writing. I think I'm coming down with the flu or something. I have a really bad sore throat (to the point I can barely talk) and feel really weak and achy. uagh. I hate being sick. Especially with a very active 3 yr old around!

I guess this makes up for last week when I was cruising along..I wrote 6 scenes in 4 days last week. Guess I need to take a week off for all that effort!! haha

Hope I can get my motivation back again soon. I feel so unproductive when I don't write.

My phone call

I talked to my contact today..the producer guy that gave me his phone number. It was awesome! He is such a nice guy, and very helpful!! I'm so excited!!

I called him (after about a half hour of pacing and 5 tries at dialing the number....Just a wee bit nervous!) and got his voice mail, so I left a message. He called me back about 5 minutes later. It was a little awkward at first, but it always is the first time you talk to someone on the phone. Anyway, we talked about the song I will be writing for my novel. He gave me some tips on how to write it, and offered to write the music for it when I'm finished! How cool is that?! So we only talked for a few minutes and he had to get another phone call. He called me back about a half hour later. We chit chatted for a bit about our kids (he has a 17 yr old), where we live (or lived), the yahoo group, and of course, briefly, about Michael. The coolest thing....he is Michael's childhood friend and has now reconnected with him! He even talks to Michael's mom and dad and brothers! It blows my mind that I was talking to someone who personally knows him! wow! LOL
So anyway, I will write the lyrics, then I will send them to him and he will write the music. Very cool. He also told me I'm welcome to call him anytime if I have a question or anything. Very down to earth, easy going guy. :D

What would be even more cool.....If I can get this book published, to have the CD of the song with the book. So that way readers can hear the song that the book talks about! Something to pitch to a publisher!

So now I need to write this song!! Wish me luck with that! I think I may need it!

I've got connections baby....

LOL I'm in a weird mood today, just to forewarn you!! haha

As the title says, I do have connections! A really exciting thing happened to me yesterday! woohoo!

So I'm writing this novel....it deal quite a bit with the music industry, of course, something I know absolutely NOTHING about. When I started this 2 months ago I didn't even know the difference between a producer and a manager!! I've done quite a bit of research of course, and I found a contact about a month ago thanks to a mom on SM (simply moms) whose husband is/was a bassist in a rock band. I asked him a bunch of questions from a band member's point of view. Of course, I still don't feel I know much about the industry.

Well, a few weeks ago I joined the yahoo group for Michael. (*sigh*). I never anticipated on actually getting to know anyone there. The other groups I have been in for celebrities or bands have not been very positive experiences. But this group is definitely the exception. The people I have met there have been so friendly, down to earth, amazing really. Not to mention Michael pops on once in a while with an update. :D

So anyway, my novel requires me to write a song. I'm so not looking forward to that. I have been struggling with it for quite some time. I have absolutely NO music ability whatsoever, nor do I even know how to read music much less write it. So this has been difficult. Thinking some more professional, experienced people could give me pointers, I posted a question on the yahoo group about it and ask for tips on how to write a song.

A man who was a childhood friend of Michael's and is currently a producer offered his phone number and said he'd be happy to collaborate on this. HOLY CATS! I just about fell out of my chair! Talk about such a friendly, wonderful group of people!! I'm just flabbergasted at it! So now I need to get up the nerve to actually call him! woohoo!!

I'm so proud of myself. I went from not knowing a darn thing about the music industry to havingf several connections now! woohoo! Now all I need is to actually go to LA (Los Angeles) to get the settings down! I don't think that will happen though because the funds just aren't there to take a trip across the country right now. But at least I got the music industry covered! I'm just so excited! Maybe I can even make a career of writing songs! Maybe someday someone famous will be singing a song I wrote! Better yet if I sang it myself! LOL Ok...getting way ahead of myself now. Back down to earth now.

Anyway, just had to share since I'm so excited about it! I'm also about half done writing the book. Yay!!!

Love Song

So I'm getting to the point in my novel where I need to write a song. This should be interesting. I don't know anything about music or writing a song! I've written a total of 2 songs in my life, and both were pretty bad (at least I thought so anyway).
I can write decent poetry...so maybe I should write it as a poem first, then revise it. I'm not sure.

I also need to come up with some really strong lyrics. This is going to be a love song (a monster ballad if you will) about two former lovers who meet up again and realize they are meant for each other. But I need the lyrics to be really strong...making you feel their feelings, like you are one of them. I feel too much pressure to make this good!!

So anyway, that is where I am at in this book. I'm still a few scenes away from needing the song, but I need to start thinking about it. It's coming up quick.

I'm about half way done with writing the book now! Once it's all written, I will then go back and edit and revise. The fun stuff. haha

If anyone has any tips or suggestions on how to write a really good love song, please feel free to let me know!!

Another one!

Sorry!!! I love doing these!!


1. What time did you get up this morning? 6am
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Can’t remember, I haven’t been to a movie cinema in years.
4. What is your favorite TV show? One Life to Live, Another World, American Idol, Law and Order CI, Grey’s Anatomy
5. What did you have for breakfast? Didn’t eat breakfast today.6. What is your middle name? Jean7. What is your favorite cuisine? American
8. What foods do you dislike? Tuna, liver, sourkraut
9. What is your favorite chip? Chex mix, barbeque flavored chips, or regular potato chips with my family’s special dip
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Great White “Let it Rock”
11. What kind of car do you drive? 1989 Oldsmobile Cutless Cierra
12. What is your favorite sandwich? Club sandwich
13. What characteristics do you despise? Dishonesty, manipulation
14. Favorite item of clothing? A sweatshirt I have..Green Bay Packers.
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Hawaii
16. What color is your bathroom? Purple (unfortunately)
17. Favorite brand of clothing? Don’t have one.
18. Where would you want to retire to? Omaha, Nebraska
19. Favorite time of day? Evening, after Ryan goes to bed.
20. Where were you born? Cudahy, Wisconsin
21. Favorite sport to watch? NFL football (Go Packers!)
24. What type of detergent do you use? Whatever is cheapest!
25. Coke or Pepsi? Neither- I don’t drink soda, and when I do, it’s root beer!
26. Are you a morning person or night owl? Must be a night owl because I’m not a morning person!
27. What size shoe do you wear? 6
28. Do you have pets? Yes, 1 cat named Cally and 8 fish.
29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? I’m writing a novel!
30. What did you want to be when you were little? A gymnast, a teacher, a singer, an author
31. Favorite Candy Bar? Snickers
32. What is your best childhood memory? Making up a soap opera with Amy.
33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life? Customer service, cashier, cash cage worker (all at Kmart), bank teller, room attendant at a hotel (I cleaned rooms), most importantly, MOM
34. Soup or Salad? Depends on my mood…I like salad but I also like soup.
35. Nicknames: Bren, Missy, pookeybear, mommy
36. What song can you not help but sing out loud to? Uumm, most songs actually. I love to sing so if I know the words I have to sing! Right now though the biggest one is Mr. Roboto by Styx. Can’t get that song out of my head!!
37. Eye color? brown
38. Ever been to Africa? No
39. Ever been toilet papered? No
40. Love someone so much it made you cry? Yes
41. Been in a car accident? Yes
42. Croutons or bacon bits? Both
43. Favorite day of the week? That’s tough. Don’t really have one. I would have to say Sunday I guess since I get to go to church.
44. Favorite restaurant? Famous Dave’s Barbeque
45. Favorite flower? Lilacs
46. Favorite ice cream? Turtle
47. Disney or Warner Brothers? Definitely Disney
48. Favorite fast food restaurant? Burger King
49. What color is your bedroom carpet? Blue
50. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Once
51. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? Postal store- I bought stamps online
52. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Michael’s or Hobby Lobby
53. What do you do most often when you are bored? What’s bored mean? LOL watch tv or go on the computer.
54. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? N/A
55. Last person you went out to eat with? Bob and Ryan to McDonald’s. A reward for going poop on the potty.
56. Ford or Chevy? No preference
57. What are you listening to right now? TV- One Life to Live
58. How many tattoos do you have? None
59. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The egg.

Another Question email. Enjoy!

1. What was your first car? Oldsmobile Cutless 1985
2. What color are the curtains in the room you are in right now? Don’t have curtains in this room. I’m in the basement which has 2 small block windows.
3. If you turn around, what do you see? Ryan, LOL, the door to the laundry room.
4. What is your favorite color? blue
5. Do you take baths? No, never. I hate baths. It’s a weird phobia I have.
6. How old were you when you got your drivers license? 16 (passed on the second try)
7. Have you ever been out of the country? No
8. What was your first job? If you don’t count babysitting, I worked at Farm and Fleet for 3 weeks the summer before my senior year.
9. What is your favorite website, other than SM? First is simplymoms, then it would be my blog.
10. Did you ever listen to new kids on the block? LOL YES! They were my favorite for the longest time…my first concert was to see them.
11. Did you go to public or private school? Private school for elementary, public school for high school, private college.
12. What comes to mind, when you think of the 80's? big hair! LOL
13. Are you scared of spiders? Big ones yes.
14. Do you believe in re-incarnation? No.
15. If you come back in the next life, who do you want to be? Don’t believe in that.
16. If you could meet any celebrity (currently alive) who would it be? Michael Lardie.
17. What was the first music album you remember owning? Cyndi Lauper “She’s so Unsual”
18. How many TV's are in your home? 2
19. Name 5 people you wouldnt mind being stuck on a desert island with? Bob, Ryan, Julie (my best friend), my mom, Amber.
20. Where were you when you lost your virginity? Ok..this sounds bad. In a hotel :)
21. How many siblings do you have? 2 older brothers
22. If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Not sure.
23. What was your first alcoholic drink? I have no idea! A wine cooler most likely.
24. What is 1st song on your playlist? Mr. Roboto by Styx
25. What is the last song on your playlist? Miles Away by Great White
26. Do you still own a VCR? You bet. I can’t survive without it!!
27. Did you ever have an 8-track player? No.
28. Do you know more than one language? Yes. I know some Spanish, some French, and ASL.
29. Did you go to college/trade school? Yes, went to college. Have a BA on English Lit.
30. Do you still talk to any of your school friends? Yes. I met my best friend in college.
31. How many boyfriends have you had? 4
32. Do you have a "this many dates until sex" rule? No. I believe in no sex before marriage.
33. Are you religious? I don’t consider it religious. I have a personal relationship with Jesus.
34. What color is your carpet? By the computer it’s a light brown.
35. Do you wear makeup? Not unless I’m going out someplace nice.
36. How often do you get your hair cut? Maybe once a year.
37. If you could afford 1 cosmetic surgery, what would you get? I wouldn’t get it. God gave me this body and I’m proud of it.
38. Do you have any piercings? Just 2 in my ears.
39. Do you have any tattoos? No.
40. When/If you have teens, when can they start dating? When he’s 20! LOL j/k I’m not sure yet…have time to decide that.
41. How old were you when you moved out of your parents house? 24
42. What jewelry do you wear on a regular basis? Wedding ring, a silver cross necklace
43. What was the 1st DVD you bought? I don’t remember
44. Do you have a Palm Pilot? No, but Bob does
45. Do you have a picture phone? yes
46. Do you have a digital camera? yes
47. What noise can you hear right now? My space heater, the tv.
48. Have you ever had ice cream for breakfast? no
49. Are your parents still together? Yes, married 45 yrs in June.
50. What did you eat for lunch today? Half of a bagel sandwich and a glass of water.
51. If you have a partner how long have you been together? Together for 12 yrs in April. Married for 6.5 yrs.
52. If you could pursue any career you wanted what would it be? Author, singer.
53. Does your family celebrate another holiday other than christmas, because you have one than one religion? No
54. If you could do anything or be anything for one day what would you do or be? Spend a day on the set of my favorite show.
55. If you suspect your man is cheating, would you confront him or snoop for proof first? Confront him.
56. Your best friend couldn't have children of her own naturally. She is thinkin about surrogacy and asks you if you would be the one to help realise her dream of having children. What would you say? Yes I would. I know she would do it for me without a doubt, I’d want to do it for her also.
57. If a movie was made about your life, who would play you? Eden Riegal (she looks most like me)
You win $1,000,000 , would you give any to family and friends or spend it on yourself? First pay off our bills, buy a decent house/car, spend a little on family/friends, anything leftover in Ryan’s college fund.
58. If someone collapsed in the street would you stop to help? I wouldn’t since I don’t have CPR training, but Bob would.
59. If you saw a robbery going on would you intervene or pretend you never saw a thing? I’ve been in banking long enough to know you don’t intervene!!! Call 911 and let the police take care of it.
60. You break you something which is of great importance to someone i.e. your mums best crystal glass which she has had for years and she will be devestated when she sees it is broken. She was outta the room at the time would you be brave enough to own up? Yes I would.
61. When did you have your first kiss? I was 17
62. If you were a smell what would you be? Chocolate :)
63. If you had access to a time machine, would you go back and change anything about your life? No. All my life experiences, both good and bad, have made me what I am today. I wouldn’t change anything.

Decisions, decisions

I hate making decisions. I'm one of those type of people that has to sit on something for a long time before making a decision, especially if it's an important one.

I have an opportuntity coming up in the next several months that could change part of my lifestyle. I don't want to share details yet, but it's a big decision. Nothing that needs to be decided upon right away, so at least I have some time to think about it. (No, it's not TTC related). But it's already on my mind and driving me nuts!!

I need to pray about it, find out what direction God wants me to go. I need to spend some time in prayer, and some time just thinking about it. Makes me think what do I want to do with my life?

Anyway, sorry this is so vague. Just something that is on my mind and wanted to get out, just don't want to share details yet.

Child-Free night!!

For the first time in a VERY long time, Bob and I had a child free night! It was a spur of the moment thing too. We had to get our taxes done Sat afternoon, and had asked my parents to watch Ryan. Well, I also had to be in their area Sunday afternoon for a bridal shower, so I figured why bring Ryan all the way home--he could just spend the night at their house and I can pick him up after the shower. Ryan loved the idea- he just loves his grandma and grandpa. So we stayed there on Sat for dinner (had to stay until at least 5:30 anyway since they had to go to church), then we said goodbye to Ryan- who, btw, didn't care that we were leaving- and went home. For the first time in a long time, Bob and I actually spent good, quality time together. Normally he goes on the computer and plays his game, and I write or watch my soaps. Last night we watched a movie together, then we went to bed early (if you know what I mean!). It was such a wonderful night! Strange though. I kept checking in Ryan's room- it just felt so wrong to not have him here!

Today I didn't get to sleep in though, even without Ryan home. I still went to church, which was strange not taking Ryan with me. I had to do a double take in the back seat- I felt like I was missing something! I came home and was home for about an hour and a half, then left for the shower.

It was a nice shower. It was for Bob's cousin, who also happens to be named Brenda. Go figure. Anyway, it was very nice, and of course, I ate too much.

I left the shower and picked up Ryan, who was not happy to see me. He cried because he didn't want to leave grandma and grandpa's. Gee, wonder why? Could it be that they let him sleep in his bathrobe, let him have a snack just after breakfast, gave him ice cream, played games constantly with him? Naw!! LOL The boy is spoiled there!! LOL Oh well, what can you do?

So tonight it's back to the norm. I think we might have to have more sleepovers at the granparents house! I really enjoyed a night child-less. LOL I love my baby, but it sure is nice to have a night alone too. :)

The day my angel grew wings

Today is Feb. 24. It's such a sad day for me. It was 2 yrs ago today that I miscarried; 2 yrs ago today that I had to go in to get a D&C; I was 9 weeks along; 2 yrs ago today that my angel grew wings and flew up to be in Jesus' arms.

I'm not nearly as sad about it as last year. I feel I'm in a different place emotionally this year, and spiritually. I know now why it happened, and I accept it. I trust that God has a plan for me that will give me hope and a future. But it still hurts some. I'm still sad about it, I still cried a little this morning. It hurts to know my baby is not here with me. He/she would be 17 months old now. I would be TTC our third child now instead of just our second.

I have also received so much support from people this week, it's been wonderful and overwhelming at the same time! I truly feel loved. I have received support from my dear friends from Simplymoms (love you girls!), from my husband, from my church family. It's made me see this in a whole new light I suppose. I know I'm definitely not alone in all this. I will always have God and my wonderful friends to lean on.

I actually won't have much time today to reflect on the events that happened 2 yrs ago today at 11am. Ryan has a playdate this morning and Julie is coming over this evening. However, I plan on saying a special prayer, taking some time to meditate and pray, and lighting a candle for my precious angel. I have it on my heart too to write a poem if I get a chance.

I will NEVER forget my angel, no matter how much time passes by. I am the mother of 2 children, no matter what anyone says.

I miss you my precious angel. May you feel the warmth of Jesus' arms holding you, looking upon me. I can't wait to meet you again someday. Mommy loves you.

The robot song

Ryan has been huge into listening to music and dancing lately. Well, dancing at first, now it's just wanting to listen to music. Which I'm enjoying mind you...I've been listening to things I haven't heard in ages. I don't listen to CD's much anymore, so it has been nice pulling out different CD's to listen to.

Anyway, Bob had decided to introduce to Ryan Mr. Roboto by Styx. Ryan affectionately calls it "The robot song". He didn't like it the first time he heard it; actually cried and wouldn't listen past the first verse. Poor thing. So we turned it off, thinking that's the end of that.

The next day Ryan asked for the robot song. I asked him several times, making sure he really wanted to hear it. Sure enough, he really wanted to. So I put it on and he actually loved it! And he wanted to hear it again, and again, and again.......

We have now heard this song so many times that Ryan has most of the words memorized now, and I'm actually starting to get tired of it! LOL At least he chose a good song by Styx...I'm not much of a Styx fan, and Mr. Roboto is one of the very few songs I like. Though that may change soon unless Ryan gets off his robot kick soon!! LOL

Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto.

American Idol

So I'm watching American Idol. I'm pretty impressed with a few of the female contenders this year. I have 3 favorites.
Kellie- she is amazing, has a great voice, and is so personalable. I think it's more the personality that gets me than her voice, since I don't even remember what song she sang and it was only an hour ago. But she's pretty, she's sweet, love her southern accent, and she's so down to earth...girl next door type of thing. Her story also touches my heart. Like her a lot!
Paris- all I gotta say is WOW! She is AMAZING! She is only 17, but has such an amazing voice. Tonight's performance was just incredible...she showed her personality, she danced around on stage, she acted like she's been doing this for years. I love her! I think even if she doesn't win the competition (which I think she will win) she will make it big. She's amazing.
Lisa- a 16 yr old from Anaheim CA....also incredible! I liked her from her first audition the first night of AI. She's pretty, and her voice is great! She also has the girl next door kinda look and personality. She will make it big too.

So those are the females I really like right now. Vote for them! Tomorrow will be the male vocalists.

I love AI!

Rock and Roll Fantasy Camp!

Ok...I totally thought it started on Monday, but I was wrong! You have to check this out!! Rock and Roll Fantasy Camp is Feb 16-20. It's a really cool way for fans and amatuer musicians to meet, learn, and jam with their idols and professional musicians.

There are counselors there (just like a real camp) where campers hang out with, learn from, jam with, and will, by the end of the 5 days, will have written a song with to perform in a battle of the bands on the last night. There are also seminars, time to hang out, take pictures, autographs, and so much more. Even a welcome party! Does that sound cool or what?!

Michael Lardie is one of the counselors this year. Check here for the video of Michael talking about being a counselor. He is so darn cute!! LOL It's also the first time I've ever heard him speak....he seems like such a sweetheart! *sigh* What I wouldn't give to meet him!!

Anyway, if I had an extra $9500 laying around and can actually play an instrument, I'd be there!!!! haha Although it does say ANYONE can come....including those who don't know a darn thing about music like myself, as long as you are willing to learn (if it's Michael who's teaching me, I'm willing to learn ANYTHING!). And yes, it is actually that much money. $1000 down payment to secure your spot, and the full cost of the camp for 5 days is $8499 (and an extra $399 for your spouse if you'd like them to come along). It's a lot of money....but so worth it if you get to jam and learn from your idols.

Looks like a cool thing to do.

Can you say "COLD"

BBUUURRR!!!! One of the problems of living in the good ole cheese state....it's flipping COLD!! They don't call it the frozen taundra for nothing!!! The temp right now (with the sun brightly shining) is -3 F, with a -25 F wind chill!!!! That's flipping cold!! I miss my 80 degree weather in the summer...that we get about a whole 2 weeks of!!! LOL
I was supposed to go get Ryan's haircut this morning and then go to the store. I freeze my butt of to get to the car (since we don't have a garage the car is outside and it takes a bit to walk to it) only to find out the door is frozen shut. After several minutes of pulling on the door (I'm sure you can picture it), I managed to free it open. I start the car (which amazingly, actually starts!), only to find that the lock has frozen, so I can't close the door!!!! aug. So now the door to my car is sitting partially open since it's frozen. LOL That's ok...it's WAY too cold to go anywhere anyway!!!!

I think I want to move to California or Texas or somewhere where it doesn't go below 50 degrees! LOL

Actually, I really do like the seasons, and it really isn't that bad, especially when bundled up under a large warm blanket, sipping hot chocolate. This actually is the first time it's been below zero all winter...a very mild winter this year. So I guess I can't complain too much. If I moved down south or out west, I certainly would miss the season changes. I can't imagine what it's like not to have a white Christmas or not see the leaves change color and fall. I just wish it wasn't so darn cold though! I'm looking forward to summer again. :D

Writing

So I've been writing diligently on my book. Did I mention what the working title is?? It's called (at least for now) Breaking Free. I have written a good portion of it so far...I'd say probably close to 30 pages. I haven't really kept track since I have been writing it as separate scenes. But I've written about 10 scenes so far. I write every chance I get, though I'm limited to mainly nights since I use Bob's laptop. I could use the computer too, but I find it confusing going from laptop to computer, especially when all the notes and all I've done is on the laptop. I don't have it saved to disk or anything yet (which reminds me I really need to do that. I will be really ticked if something were to happen and I lost it all). So it's going kinda slow...slower than I want anyway, but it's still going at least!

Right now I'm working on one of my favorite scenes in the whole book. It's the scene that the whole idea of the novel was based around. I had an idea of a scene, and then tried to figure out where to go from there and what I wanted to show and how to end it. It's an incredible important scene so I've been feeling some pressure to make it good.

I left off last night toward the very end of the scene....right in the middle of the best part..the kissing scene!!! I don't think I slept much last night....I kept thinking about this kissing scene and upset that I didn't finish it! LOL Gives me something to look forward to tonight though!

At any rate, I'm so excited about this book. I'm working my butt off to get it written. I'm completely determined to finish it and try to get it published.

Dancing

Had some fun this morning. I let everything go and turned on the radio and just danced. Had a great time, got some energy out, and showed Ryan a few moves! He's just so cute when he dances!! He gets his little arms moving, and shakes his little booty! LOL I was trying to teach him how to do some dance moves, like twirling in and out, some ballroom type of stuff. Probably a little too complicated for a 3 yr old! LOL But it was adorable seeing him try! He loved it too..."mommy, I want songs on! I want to turn!" He also likes it when I sing! haha I guess he's too young to realize how off key mommy is! LOL But for now, he loves it, and I'm eating it up!

Giving it up to God

I think the good Lord is trying to tell me something this week. He is smacking me on the head, telling me to "Stop this nonsense of trying to control something you aren't meant to. Trust in Me." Jeremiah 29:11 also comes to mind.

Everything is just pointing to this. Last week's Bible study on Thursday we talked about how we always try to "help" God on things, when He doesn't need any help. It's our way of trying to control His plans for us, to maniupulate it to go our way. That got my attention. Then the whole situation with the progesteorne and af this weekend, making me realize I can't do this on my own. Yesterday I was working on this week's Bible study chapters and the section I was reading was Genesis 20, about Abraham and Sarah having a child well after childbearing years. It was such a hard lesson for me to go study, and at the end of the study on that chapter, the author (Beth Moore) asked if you (the reader) had a difficult time with this study? Maybe your womb is empty even after praying and praying for it to open. But Praise God....because miracles do happen. I just bawled and bawled! Who am I to question God's plans for me? It may seem impossible right now, like I will never have another child, but nothing, NOTHING is impossible for God. He opened Sarah's womb and she had a child! Imagine what He could do for me if I let Him? If I trust in Him?
Then today at church, it was like God specifically wrote that sermon just for me. It was about why we have bad days, trials, and tribulations, and how to react when they happen. I just cried in church! Even the songs we sang related to my situation.
After Sunday School many of the women of my church came and gave me hugs and words of support and encouragement to trust in God, let Him handle it. The outpouring of support and love is amazing...I'm so happy to have found this church.

Everything leads up to it.....God is smacking me on the head and saying hello!!! Wake up already! Trust in Me, let Me take care of this. I think when I finally give it all up to Him, He will be smacking His forehead saying "Finally!"

I'm amazed at how He speaks to me, when I take the time to listen, I can hear and know what He is telling me. It's up to me now to listen and obey. Thank you Lord.

I'm so done!!!

I can't take this anymore!!! I'm 14 DPO.....af is now officially late and there's no sign of her. I still have symptoms..in fact, my cramps have gotten more pronounced today. (could be stress related though). My temp dropped yesterday (though still above cl) and went up slightly today. I tested....BFN!!!!!!! WTH????? I'm just so so so confused and frustrated with this whole thing. I seriously think I'm not pg, that my natural progesterone dropped yesterday but is being sustained by the supplement I'm taking. I really don't think af is going to come while I'm taking the supplement. I can't stop taking it though unless af shows or 18 DPO. My plan right now is taking it until Monday, test again, then call my OB and find out if I should stop the supplement or come in for a blood test. I don't even know if I want to do a blood test because I know it will say negative. I just wish af would show already...I just want this over with.

I am so done with ttc. I'm so frustrated, disappointed, confused, angry. I feel broken. I don't understand why I'm not pg.....4 cycles on clomid.....4 perfect cycles and still NOTHING. My dr even told me she expects me to be pg. So why aren't I? I know it's not my place to question...that I'll never know the answer until the day I meet Christ and can ask him. But it's just so aggrevating!! I am giving up control to God on this. I realize I can't do this on my own anymore. Next month I'm not charting, not doing OPKs, not timing BD....not doing anything!!!! I want TTC out of my mind!!!! I know that's virtually impossible, but I need to try. I just can't do this anymore.

Lord,
I realize now that I'm not in control over this. I know that you have a plan for me, and I know I need to learn to be patient in waiting for you. Your plan is always perfect Lord, You know what is best for me. I pray that you help me give up the desire to control this part of my life. I can't do this alone Lord, I need your help. I pray that I become willing to follow whatever your plan is for me, and that you send the Holy Spirit down on me to help me have a calm heart and patience in waiting for your plans for me. I know this is all for the greater good. Help me Lord to concentrate more on You, on bringing glory and praise to your name, to worship you. Help me to soften the desire to expand my family, and increase the desire to please you. May your will be done with my life, whatever that may be. Thank you Lord for all you have already given me. I praise you!
In Jesus Precious name,
Amen.

A GTKY email

Ok, I admit it, I stole this off of Cindy's blog. :) Thanks hon. One of those get to know you emails.

1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES? biege, with strawberries on them.
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Vanishing Acts by Jodi Picoult
3. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? don't have one. We have an optical mouse.
4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Trivia pursuits, Candyland
5. LEAST FAVORITE SMELLS? the smell of changing Ryan's underwear when he doesn't go poop in the potty.
6. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF IN THE MORNING? I need to take my temp.
7. FAVORITE COLOR? blue
8. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR? orange
9. HOW MANY RINGS UNTIL YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? It depends..one or two. Depends on how fast I can get it out of my pocket.
10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? will not disclose that until I'm actually pg.
11. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate
12. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? not usually.
13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? no
14. DO YOU LIKE THUNDERSTORMS? no, I'm terrified of them.
15. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES? brown
16. SIGN? Gemini
17. THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? if I have to. Never used to, but for Ryan's benefit yes.
18. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB, WHAT WOULD IT BE? a singer
19. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY COLOR HAIR WHAT WOULD IT BE? deep auburn red.
20. IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? depends on my mood.
21. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE? Back to the Future
22. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? Yes
23. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? nothing
24. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 28
25. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Professional football (NFL, namely Packers)
26. YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST INTENSE PAIN? the pain right after childbirth.
27. PERSON MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? n/a
28. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? n/a
29. KETCHUP OR MUSTARD? Ketchup
30. HAMBURGER OR HOT DOG? hamburger
31. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? summer
32. THE BEST PLACE YOU HAVE EVER BEEN? DisneyWorld
33. FAVORITE FAST FOOD? Burger King Whopper
34. YOUR BIRTH PLACE? Milwaukee, Wisconsin
35. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD? 2 people...Bob and Ryan
36. WHERE IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO SHOP? Target
37. WHAT DAY OF THE WEEK IS YOUR FAVORITE AND WHY? Don't really have a favorite day. It's the same almost everyday.
38. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CAR OR TRUCK? Honda Odessey
39. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING TO DO?clean the bathroom
40. TELL US ABOUT YOUR MOST VIVID DREAM - ummm, can't go there. LOL

Waiting and waiting....

Af is due tomorrow. This has been the hardest 2ww of my total TTC journey I think. I'm not sure what to think. My temp is still up very high, which is rare for being 12 DPO. I'm still having symptoms (I've been having them since 8 DPO)...such as cramps, increased appetite, thirst, frequent urination. Today the cramps are more pronounced...like af is going to show any minute. No spotting as of yet. It's going to be a long day. I plan on testing tomorrow if temp is still high and no af.
The problem is I'm on a progesterone supplement, and because I haven't been on it before, I'm not sure what it is doing to my body. So I'm not sure if the symptoms I'm feeling are from the progesterone or true pg symptoms. I hate waiting!!!! *sigh*

Wish me luck in waiting....and say some prayers that this is my month.

scrapbooking and other ramblings

Today I went to an all day scrapbooking crop. It was so much fun and so very much needed. This progesterone is throwing my moods into vicious swings, so I needed to get out for a day, spend the day with the girls and chatted and worked! I got 12 pages done!!!! woo hoo!! I was on a roll today. I'm still about a year behind...I'm working on Ryan's 2nd year book...considering he's in his 4th year now!!! LOL But I had lots of fun, and had a good time talking to Lisa and Shannon, whom I haven't had much of a chance to talk to lately. I rarely get a day to myself so it was really nice.

Along with the mood swings I've mentioned, I've also had a major increase in appetite and strange cravings! I can't seem to stop eating....no matter what it is. Every time I see a commercial for food I just want whatever it is they are advertising. Food network....fogettaboutit!! I know I'm thin and can stand to gain a few pounds, but this is getting ridiculous!! I'm constantly hungry! I also have been having strange cravings lately......the other day it was ranch dressing!!! I actually put some in a bowl and was eating it straight!! LOL Very strange.

I woke up this morning with cramps...af type of cramps. It's way too early for af. My chart is nothing at all like I've ever seen before....very unlike my normal charts. I'm chalking all this up to progesterone. Since I've never taken progesterone before, I'm figuring this is all from that. Guess I'll find out in a few days.

A very good friend of mine got a BFP yesterday after 3 years of ttc!! (Congrats again Crystal hon!!!!) I can't even tell you how excited that made me, how much hope that gives me!! That is can happen...it may take a long long time, but it can happen! She has given me so much encouragement, she has no idea! It just makes me realize that if you have faith and keep on trying, eventually it will happen, in God's time.

This is it

I'm afraid to say that if I'm not pg this month, that it will be the end for us. I won't stop ttc...I don't think I could ever do that. I have been at this for almost 2 yrs, it's in my nature I think now. When you want something so bad, there is just no way you can really give up. So we won't be preventing, but if it didn't happen this month I have decided to discontinue the medications.

It was a very difficult decision for me to make. I really don't want to give up the medications, since my body is taking to clomid very well. I really feel that it would only be a matter of months on clomid and progesterone before it happens. Unfortunately though, it's the finances that are taking the brunt of this. Bob and I talked about it last night, and it was actually my decision to stop. We just don't have the funds to continue. We are so far behind as is....barely have money for groceries this week. So I guess it's time to stop for a while. Maybe in a few months or so when we can get back on our feet and get back into better financial ground, we might be able to go back on clomid again. But for now, I have a son and a husband that needs my attention, love, and money!

Another reason for stopping is my marriage. After this past ovulation time, when we had a huge argument and he said some very hurtful things to me, I realized that for the sake of our marriage and relationship, we need to cut back on ttc. He is feeling the pressure and stress and frustration, and I'm getting obsessed and upset that he's not cooperating. I think it's time to take a step back and see if things will happen naturally, like they are supposed to. I'm learning that I'm not in control of this, as much as I want to be. If God wants me to be pg, if it's in His plan, then no matter what I do or don't do, it will happen. Or the opposite...If it's not in His plan for me to have another baby, then no matter what I do, it won't happen. I need to trust that God has my best interests, and that it's all for the Greater Good. He loves me, and I need to love Him by trusting in Him.

So hard to do. I'm working on that...it's a struggle everyday...especially when you "think" you know what is best for you.

I still have a week yet before I know if this month is a bust or not. But in all honesty, I'm pretty much acting like it is a bust. 22 months of getting your hopes up is just way too long. I'm exhausted, I'm upset, I'm frustrated.

I'm saddened at the thought that this is the end of medical treatment, but I know it's for the best right now.

Writing in progress

My novel is coming along nicely. I've been working on it diligently. I have all the scenes outlined, most of the settings researched and ready, the character sketches done, and have written a total of 4 scenes so far! It's really starting to come together! I'm so excited about it. The first scene I wrote was the PONR scene, or the Point of No Return scene. It's a really big fight scene between 2 main characters and is such a pivitol scene. I'm so proud of it...it looks and reads just like any chic lit book I've been reading!
I've been working on it just about every night. Bob thinks it's cute. I sit on the couch with the laptop on my lap, headphones on (I like to listen to music while I'm writing), concentrating on the screen. I'm having tons of fun with this!

Hope to have more done soon!

New bible study

I started a new Bible study yesterday. I'm really excited to be doing it. It's The Patriarchs, the study of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob by Beth Moore. It will be interesting. We had the introduction yesterday. This is something that's very new for me...I've never really read much of the Old Testament...so it will be a whole new experience! We went through a whole geneology chart. It's going to be difficult for me to learn this since I'm not very good with history and names, but I think it will be really worth it and I think I will learn a lot!

I just need to get used to doing 45 minutes of homework everyday though! I've gotten out of the habit over Christmas break, so I need to discipline myself to get back into it!

I'll let you know how it goes this session!

so I dyed my hair....

I have been wanting to go back to blonde for a while now. I would prefer to go to a salon but it's just too expensive...and I can't justify spending that much on myself other than fertility! So I picked up a box of Clariol to do myself. I did it yesterday. I guess I should have waited to get it done professionally! LOL I don't like it personally.....it turned out more of a funky yellow color, and the top of my head is really light but the bottom didn't take as well. I'm more of a two toned girl now! oh well. It's really not that bad....not as bad as when I dyed it red a few years ago and it turned purple! oh boy was that a sight! LOL

One of these days I'll get the whole hair dye thing right! Here is pics of me with blonde hair..sort of. Please excuse the look on my face..not very flattering pics of myself, despite the hair!

I hate Target Pharmacy!!

So yesterday I went to get my progesterone prescription. It was supposed to be ready on Monday. When I called on Monday they said it wasn't done yet and they would call me when it was done. I never received a phone call. So I called on Tuesday, and the lady said yes, it's ready. I take the trip out there (a half hour drive, plus with a child who didn't nap, so he's hyper as all get out) and find out that no, it's not ready. It's there, but not ready. So I have to stand there for 10 minutes while they put it together. Then the lady tells me that my insurance doesn't cover it (no surprise there) and it's $133. WHAT???? I was quoted (twice mind you...first time when I called originally to compare pharmacies, and again when I handed the prescription in) $82!!! That is $50 difference...and when you don't have much money to begin with, it's a lot of money!! I was so upset! She asked if I still wanted it. I said I have to take it because I need it by Friday and that's not enough time to transfer to a different pharmacy and get the prescription in time. I was so upset not just by the price, but their service really stinks! They just didn't seem to have their act together, and I can't believe I was quoted the wrong price twice!!!
I will NEVER use Target pharmacy again! If I need Prochieve again next month, I will transfer my prescription to somewhere else.

GGGRRRR!!

Not much going on.....

I haven't updated in a few days. There isn't much going on!

I have finished taking clomid for the month and am just waiting to O right now. It should be in the next 4 days or so. This cycle has been different from the last 3....I have more CM and am actually Oing from my good side this month!! woo hoo! Let's hope something happens this time!!

I haven't had a chance to work on my book all weekend. I've been busy. Yesterday Bob, Ryan, and I went to our friend's house for dinner and socialization! It was nice. They are pg; due in June. They will be having another girl! Very exciting.

Ryan has been doing great with potty training. Tonight we will be going without a diaper at night. We'll see how he does.

Finally covered...

I just checked my insurance. They FINALLY covered the surgery I had 4 months ago!! All but $500, but that's better than $7000!!!! woo hooo!! I'm so happy they finally covered it...I was getting worried that we would have to pay the whole amount. I hate insurance. Glad we will be getting our tax refund in a few months...that will probably go for infertility/surgery costs!!

update!

I haven't updated my blog in a few days! Sometimes it just gets away from me I guess!!

First off, I've started my dose of clomid yesterday! woo hoo! Let's hope the 4th time is a charm! I also talked to my OB's RN today. She told me my 7 DPO progesterone results were 151!!! Holy progesterone baby! That's even higher than the first month I was on clomid. So now why am I not pg? Let's hope the supplement along with clomid works. But great news...because my levels have been so high the last 3 months, I won't have to do another blood test this month! woo hoo!!! I'm so happy about that since I have been worried about the cost! God sure is Good!!! Now I just need good BD timing and I'm all set! Come on BFP!

Ryan's potty training is going well! 2 weeks now and he's pretty much trained! He now tells me he has to go without any prompting from me! We still have issues with #2....he's scared to do in the potty. But we are working on that. I promised him McDonald's if he goes!! LOL So far it hasn't worked though. The last few nights he has even woken up dry! I'm so proud of him! He's growing up so quickly! He's already asking me to take him to school. oh boy!

My novel is coming along nicely! I have most of the master storyline all set...all the major stuff anyway. I'm in the middle of doing the most boring stuff though...the research! I need to research the cities and hotels and locations I will be using. ick. I've always hated research. I'd rather just sit down and write already! LOL BTW- if anyone has ever been to Los Angeles let me know!! I've never been there and can't afford to take a trip there just to do research, so if you've been in LA before or have had anything to do with the music industry, leave me a messege! I need all the help I can get! I'd like it to look as realistic as possible.

Great news!

I finally talked to my OB's RN today. New plan for this month.

I will continue on 50mg clomid. She told me that in the 4 yrs she has been in this specialty, she has never seen anyone respond so well to the lowest dose of clomid! She is very surprised I'm not pg yet.
I will continue to do OPKs, and the day after I O, I will start taking Prochieve, which is a progesterone supplement. My pro levels are actually really high (over 100 which is incredible!) but I will be taking it to increase my uterine lining. She thinks that the egg is not implanting because the uterine lining is too thin. The progesterone will thicken it. I will have a progesterone test done at 7 DPO, and continue with the Prochieve for 18 days. If af comes, I will discontinue use. If I don't get af by CD 35, I will go in for a beta test for pregnancy.

I certainly hope this month works. This will be the last month I can do a progesterone test...it's way too expensive and we have other bills we need to take care of. It stinks that trying to have a baby is so darn expensive.

Please pray that it works this month.

3rd time is not a charm

Looks like my 3rd month on clomid did not get me pg. My temp dropped slightly today and I'm starting to spot. I'm expecting af tomorrow. It's just so frustrating. Clomid has helped my cycle. All 3 months I have been on it, it has fixed all the problems I had with my cycle. So why haven't I gotten pg yet? I'm just so frustrated with it all. I'm not sure what I'm doing this next cycle. I am supposed to meet with my OB when af arrives. I can do 1 more month of clomid with progesterone test, or I can do unlimited amount of clomid cycles without progesterone test, or nothing at all. I would love to do IUI at this point, but there's no way we can afford that right now. It just really stinks.

Guess it's now on to the next month. I'm coming up on 2 yrs very shortly. 2 more months.

stuff....

My novel is coming along nicely!! I'm so excited about it! My best friend Julie has been collaborating with me on it. We have come up with some great ideas for it. I told her I can share my byline with her, but she said no. She would prefer for me to just thank her in the acknowledgements instead.
I'm really pysched up about this. I had written 10 pages about 2 weeks ago, but now I need to scrap that and start over. We changed directions! I'm writing out character sketches and scene cards and everything. Very exciting!!

On the TTC front, I'm 9 DPO and barely even noticed I was in the 2ww. Between writing my novel, being sick, and potty training, I haven't had much time to really think about ttc. It's been kinda nice. Feels good to be stress free for once. If I'm not pg though I'm sure the stress will start up again after af is gone.

Potty training update

Ryan is taking to it VERY well! Much better than I had expected! We had some issues the first day of course. He had 3 accidents in the morning. He would sit on the potty, but then wouldn't do anything and then pee his pants later. But the afternoon he turned a corner! He figured out that it's best to pee in the potty then in his pants! He's been doing it since! I set the oven timer for 45 minutes, and when it goes off it's potty time. He just loves it, and goes better when I set the timer. LOL I think I've created a Pavlov dog!! haha Now I've extended the time to an hour to an hour and a half, as I've noticed he doesn't seem to have to go that often.
Our second day he had 2 accidents the whole day...and both those weren't his fault. The first one was during his nap. The second one was during a time out. He got so upset he peed himself.
Today is our 3rd day and so far so good. He wet the bed though, but that was with a diaper on! He's doing good so far. We did the positive reinforcement technique. I make it fun for him to be on the potty...we sing a song, read a book, look at stickers. When he goes, I make a big deal out it. I clap and exclaim horray for Ryan and give him a big hug. He loves all the attention. Then he gets to pick out a sticker to put on his potty chart, and a sticker he can wear too. After 5 stickers on his chart he gets a present. It's working great so far! I'm glad I waited until he was over 3 to do this. I tried last summer when he was 2 1/2, but he wasn't too interested then. He fought me every step of the way. This seems to much easier than I expected!

Great job Ryan!!! Mommy is so proud of you!

Potty Training today!

Well, I am taking the plunge. I decided that Ryan needs to be potty trained. He is 3 yrs and 3 months, and is very smart. He knows exactly what he's supposed to do and why. I tried last summer but he is a very stubborn child and refused to go. Now I'm not taking No for an answer. I put him in underwear and told him no more diapers! I told him to come tell me if he needs to go. We will also be sitting on the potty every 45 minutes. It's going to be a long day I think! LOL Wish me luck! So far he sat on the potty once but nothing happened. He likes his new underwear, so hopefully he won't want to get it dirty. I put blankets on all the furniture so they don't get ruined. Hope it goes well!!