Monday, May 29, 2006

Flowers planted

I finally got my flowers planted on Friday. It was a beautiful day so I thought I'd take the opportunity to get it done. These are the flowers I purchased from K-Mart. They didn't have as good of a selection this year as they normally do, but they are cheap!



Ryan of course was helping me. First he started with a cup to scoop out the dirt.



Then he decided to get "down and dirty" and just use his hands.



He was adament about watering the flowers.



We had lots of fun planting the flowers, and still asks me to go to the store to buy more.

Friday, May 26, 2006

It's my Birthday!

It's here. It's my birthday today. :D

I'm excited (I always love my birthday) yet I'm also sad. I just realized another year of my fertility is gone. Another year yet again I'm not pregnant.

So you may ask, what am I doing on my wonderful birthday? What type of exciting and fun things do I have going on? Absolutely NOTHING. I'm doing laundry (oh what fun) and cleaning (oh even more fun). I need to get the house in order for the party tomorrow. Tell me again why I decided to have everyone over the day after my birthday? What was I thinking? Oh yeah, I was thinking of how badly I want that ice cream cake that my mother refused to buy me. At least I get to stuff myself full of comfort food.

And of course, my darling dh, forgets it's my birthday. This morning he is just about to go running out the door to go to work and I had to remind him. His response: "oh yeah, it IS your birthday isn't it?" augh. I told him he better stop somewhere on the way home from work to get something.

At any rate, it's another year, another day. But it's MY special day darn it! I need to find something fun to do today.

Happy 31st Birthday to Me! :D

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Writers Wednesday 5/24/06

Many years ago my best friend from childhood and I made up a soap opera. We spent 3 years of our lives immersed in these characters, stories, plots, and lives. It was so much a part of my life that I knew the characters extremely well, like they were my family. I felt what the characters were feeling, I felt their pain and heartache, their passions and joys, their sorrows and grief. Though we may not have done this soap for many years now, it's still a part of my life as I think about it when I hear certain names, or certain songs.
The soap was called Dynasty 2 (after her favorite soap at the time). I wrote many many things for it, but I will share just a bit here (for today anyway).

The characters involved in this scene probably require some background.

Jeffrey Jordan- 44, lead singer in a rock band. The patriarch of the main family.
Mary Jordan- 40, Jeffrey's wife, housewife.
Candy Jordan (not shown but mentioned in scene)- 20, deceased. She was Mary and Jeffrey's daughter, was killed by a drunk driver a year ago.
Brad (can't remember his last name)- 20, Candy's boyfriend. Now currently living with Jeffrey and Mary.
Trisha- 5, Candy and Brad's daughter. When Candy died Brad assumed responsibility for her and was given custody of her on the grounds that he live with Jeffrey and Mary.

Dec 6, 1991- Friday Morning 7:30am

Scene 1: Jeffrey’s house. Living room. Jeffrey is listening to headphones and dancing around crazily. Mary is reading the newspaper. Trisha is watching cartoons while getting her school books together. Brad enters from the kitchen.

Brad: Trisha! Breakfast is ready.
Trisha: Yay!! I’m hungry!
Brad: Good. I made one of your favorites today. Strawberry waffles.
Trisha: Yummy!
Trisha runs out of the living room to the kitchen.
Brad: Walk!
Mary: You know, you don’t have to make breakfast every morning.
Brad: Well, I want her to start off her day with a nutricious breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day.
Mary: I can’t believe how much you have grown up since…..
Brad: You can say it. You were going to say since Candy died, weren’t you? It’s ok. I’m moving on.
Jeffrey: (singing) Sad but true…..(still dancing around).
Mary: It’s just that you guys were so close.
Brad: yeah, we were. Can we please change the topic?
Mary: I’m just glad the judge agreed to give you custody of Trisha so long as you live with us.
Brad: Well, I would never leave Trisha to anybody. That girl is my world.
Trisha comes running to the living room.
Trisha: I’m ready for school Brad!
Brad: Did you brush your teeth already?
Trisha: yes
Brad: ok. Say good bye and we are off.
Trisha (to Mary): Bye grandma! (gives her a hug)
Mary: good bye darling. Have fun in school.
Trisha walks up to Jeffrey and taps him on the leg. He sees her and takes off his headphones.
Jeffrey: Off to school already kiddo? (picks her up) One of these days I’ll have to teach you how to play hooky.
Mary: Jeffrey!!
Jeffrey: hey! Just kidding! When you’re about 8 or 9.
Brad: You trying to teach her to grow up a hellraiser?
Jeffrey: Hey! All my kids were hellraisers! It’s a Jordan tradition!
Mary rolls her eyes. Jeffrey puts Trisha down.
Trisha: What’s a hellraiser?
Brad: come on Trish. Let’s go to school.
Trisha: all right.
She grabs her backpack and they walk out the door.
Jeffrey: Hey you. Come here.
Mary walks over to him and they embrace.
Jeffrey: I’m hungry.
Mary: Why didn’t you say so before? I could’ve…..
Jeffrey: Not for food.
Mary: mmmmm. Sounds interesting.
Jeffrey: Very.
They kiss and move toward the couch.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Soul Patrol baby!!

I'm so happy......Taylor won American Idol!! woo hoo!! Soul Patrol baby!

I actually wanted Chris to win...but since he was voted off a few weeks ago, I had to go with Taylor! And I'm so glad he won!
It was an interesting show this evening....even had a performance by Clay Aiken! Boy does he ever look different.

Can't wait to see what Taylor will be doing now (after the mandatory tour of course)!

Go Taylor Go!

Writers Wednesday 5/24/06

Ok...I will be sharing something....I just don't have time to write it out tonight. Look for a future post for today's writers wed!!

Monday, May 22, 2006

Happy Birthday Bob!

Today is dh's b-day! He is now officially in the thirty-something crowd. Finally he's catching up to me haha. Already gave him a card, but I will need to go to the store in a bit to get something else for him. He's always saying he doesn't want anything for his birthday, but I want to do something nice. He can be a sweetheart when he wants to be :)
Not doing anything else today though. He prefers to keep his birthday a quiet day. He doesn't like people fussing over him and making a big deal out of it. He did like it though when Ryan woke up. I tried to get Ryan to go up to him to say "happy Birthday". Instead of Ryan running up to daddy and saying it, he says in a very loud voice "It's daddy's birthday??" There went that surprise. Aaahhh, the joys of 3 yr old boys. LOL
We plan on drawing daddy a "birthday party" on Ryan's dry erase board today and if I get time I'll make cupcakes. Ryan wants candles too. HHmmm, whose birthday is this anyway?

Happy 30th Birthday!

Addition to birthday list

Forgot to add to the gift cards....Best Buy. I would actually prefer to get CDs and DVD's from there since they have a better selection and are usually cheaper. :)

I know I know

I completely forgot about Flashback Friday this past week. It was a crazy week. I was gone all day Friday going to rummage sales. Yes, it's that time of year again! I hope to be out at least once a week shopping those sales! I bought a bunch of stuff on Friday too. I didn't get home until almost dinner time, and then Julie came over, so I had very little time on the computer. Maybe this week I will post 2 to make up for it!

Good news though..I got my car back finally. It's back to perfect running order again. (for now). Those squirrels better stay away if they know what is best for them!!

Been a busy weekend too...spent most of Sat. doing yard work, and yesterday was mainly just a lazy day at home, doing family stuff. I've been thinking of updating my blog, but I didn't have much to say.

Happy Retirement mom!

Last Wed (May 17) was my mom's last day of work. She is now officially retired. She had a small party at work on her last day, so thought I'd share a few pics of that.

Here is the yummy cake! We got to take some leftovers home too.



She received a plaque for her service. 27 years. Though they wrote 26 yrs on the plaque..just like the company to not give credit for the full year.




And of course, Ryan with grandma on her special day.



I just wonder what she will do with all her time now? I mentioned she should babysit more! hehe

Best Wishes Mom!

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Birthday Wish List

Since my birthday is coming up (May 26), here is my birthday wish list :)

  1. Clomid
  2. Icebergs by Rebecca Johns
  3. Hilary Duff CD (Hilary)
  4. Casting Crowns CD
  5. Sonicflood CD (any of them)
  6. Jack Russell CD (For You)
  7. Great White CD (Thank You....Goodnight)
  8. Law and Order CI DVD (season 2 & 3)
  9. Grey's Anatomy DVD
  10. Degrassi The Next Generation DVD (Seasons 1,2, &3)
  11. books (chick lit books or anything by Karen Kingsbury)
  12. Laptop (ok, I know I'm asking for a lot here, but this IS a wish list)
  13. Gift cards from the following places:
  • Target (for books, CDs, etc)
  • Barnes & Noble
  • Michael's (for scrapbooking supplies)
  • Famous Dave's Barbeque (YUM!)

There are more things I could probably think of, and I may add to later. I know I have a lot of CDs and DVDs listed...that's because we've had to cut way back on luxury items in order for me to be a sahm, so I rarely ever get CDs or DVDs for myself. We mainly just get the bare necessities. :)

My car vs squirrel

I first noticed it on Friday last week. My car was running rather strangely but I didn't really think much of it. (actually I was just lazy on Sat and didn't want to bother with it). Sunday morning I got in my car to go to church and started up the car and it cluncked out before I even got it out of park. Tried that several times until finally it wouldn't start anymore. Dh had to take Ryan and I to church.

Well, dh came home early on Tuesday from work so he could take a look at my car. Ryan of course wanted to help. He found some leaves in the engine compartment, and after checking it out from a distance, opted to have Ryan come inside by me. Turns out there was a deceased squirrel there! Apparently a not-so-bright squirrel decided my car engine was the perfect place to build a nest and make a home. I ended up killing the poor thing at some point when I used my car. (auugh!! I feel so horrible!!). But the squirrel had the last laugh; he (or she) chewed through 3 spark plug wires and the fuel injector wire. We had to get it towed.

So thanks to Mother Nature and the bottom of the intelligent chain of squirrels, I will be paying almost $300 to get my car fixed. I think there goes my hopes of fertility drugs any time soon. *sigh*

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Writers Wednesday 5/17/06

A poem I wrote about ME after our time together back in '92.

Maybe Someday

Seeing him again was like a dream
Years lost between us brought back like magic
Reminiscing all day and into the night
Brought back many a feelings from long ago

My dream came true that week
New memories fro me to cherish
Crossing the border of friendship
Wanting so badly to be with him.

But not able to have him
Though we both feel the same way
Inquiring how it could be
But the distance would be too difficult.

We both agree it's bad timing
If only we lived in the same world
Longing for each other for years
Long distance relationships never work out.

Deciding to be just friends
Though we both want more
Maybe someday there will come a time
When we can fulfill our wants and desires for each other.

Maybe somedaywe will finally be able
To admit and show our love for each other.
I wish on the stars and moon that
Maybe Someday....

But until then, I'm satisfied with friendship,
For friendship is the most important thing possible,
Without his friendship
I'd be forever lost.

~ Brenda J. Branski

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Where is the sun?

It has been rainy and cold all week. Ryan and I haven't been outside to play for at least a week. Ryan keeps asking me (about every 5 minutes mind you) why can't we go outside. I know this is typical Spring here, but I want my sun back!! Especially since I don't have transportation at the moment...it sure would be nice to get outside! It's supposed to be cold and rainy the rest of this week. It's been difficult finding things to do cooped up in the house with a very active 3 1/2 yr old!

Can't wait for summer. :)

Plans for the week

My plans for the week include:

Staying home (my car is broken.....AGAIN)

Writing my book (now that the season finales of most of my shows are done I can concentrate on this)

Babysit Wed. morning for my neighbor

Leave just after that on Wed to go to my mom's retirement party (she is retiring after 27 yrs!)

Maybe make a recipe out of the cookbook I received for Mothers Day

Staying home.

Sounds exciting doesn't it? haha

I don't have a whole lot to update today. :)

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Happy Mothers Day

I most likely won't be around tomorrow (and even if I am I probably won't want to blog on MY day!), so thought I'd send out a little note a tad early.

Happy Mothers Day to all the mommies! (btw- this does include ANY woman who has ever been pg, adopted, or heck, just feels like a mommy).

I'm not sure what's in store for my day, but I sure have mentioned to dh many times over the course of the past week that tomorrow is THE day, so I hope he took the hint.

I will be attending church service and Sunday School in the morning (the norm Sunday morning), lunch and put Ryan down for a nap when we get home, and then head over to my parents' house to celebrate.

Looks to be a busy day. :)

Friday, May 12, 2006

Flashback Friday

Here are pics of my wedding...Sept 11, 1999 (yes, 9/11...but it was 2 yrs beforehand. It makes for an awful annivesary though).

We had our pics taken outside at the park dh and I are very familiar with (Grant Park).












And of the wedding party:

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Of cats and men

It has been a ...night.

My dear, lovely, precious cat (she thinks she's so cute) had decided to use my computer speaker wires as a chewing device. I was listening to my Yahoo Music (which I am addicted to mind you) and BAM! my music goes out (on a really good song too of course). I see my dear kitty underneath the desk looking up at me like "what? I'm too cute for you to kill!". gggrr. First it was just one speaker that went out, but that just annoys me so I tried to fix it. Apparently the speakers don't like me because now neither one works. So now I'm speaker-less. I love my cat, I love my cat, I love my cat.

Then there is the man issue tonight. My dh. I love him, I really do. And this wasn't his fault....it was his works'. He is on call this week. He uses a laptop for work, which he brings home every day and I use it at night to write my book. (I could use the computer but the laptop is so much more handy, and dh usually plays his computer game on the reg. computer). Go figure, tonight I'm really motivated to write (or I was) and he ends up getting 50 pages and needs the laptop to figure out the issues. (He's a Systems Admin.....AKA "the computer guy"). Fine. I find something else to do for few minutes. 15 minutes later he's done, I get the laptop back. I'm in my groove, doing my writing thing. He gets another 10 pages at one time and needs it again. *big sigh*. This time I use the computer since he said it's going to be a while. (during this time on the computer is when I dealt with said cat issue). So now I'm getting ticked....switched computers several times now, cat ticked me off, I'm without my Yahoo music which I can't seem to write without. 20 mintues later he says he's done. I switch back to laptop. If he gets another page I'm quitting for the night. gggrrr.

So much for my motivation to write tonight.

I'll get this book written sometime this decade...hopefully.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

What the heck is America thinking?

You may or may not know, I'm a huge American Idol fan. And tonight, America really let me down! I'm so upset I'm in tears (though that could also be a hormone induced menstrual issue)!

Chris was just voted off!!! He was my favorite, the one I really thought would win this year. I had high hopes for him. He seemed so real and down to earth, has wife and kids, and the only rocker. He sang his heart out last night and this is the thanks he gets. America- what were you thinking?

Even Simon seemed shocked. He even joined the standing ovation for him at the end. I'm really hoping Simon likes him enough to give him a record deal when this is all over.

I just had to get this out of my system. I really wanted him to win. :( I need some ice cream now.

Writers Wednesday 5/10/06

Here is a scene from the book I'm currently writing. It's Michael's point of view and actually appears more toward the middle of the book. This I think will be my last scene I will be sharing from this book, since I have every intent on finishing it and trying to get it published. Enjoy!


After several times trying and asking, Michael finally convinced Becca to spend lunch with him. It was Tuesday and she agreed to a lunch date in between voice coaching lessons. He wasn’t sure if she really wanted to spend her lunch hour with him, or if she did it just to be polite or shut him up, but either way he didn’t care. He had been anxious to see her again, knowing she’s been in town and not able to see much of her. It had been difficult for him, yet there’s that part of him that wanted to avoid her too. He remembered all too well what happened between them so many years ago, yet after all this time he couldn’t seem to stay away, like she was a strong magnet pulling him to her.
He watched her across the booth at Frida’s, a choice Becca had suggested, explaining she was in the mood for Mexican. He wanted to have her pick out the restaurant since she was only in town for a few weeks, and wanted to make sure she got to eat at her favorite places. Her hair had a darker shade to it in the darkness of the room, making her eyes look even browner. She was wearing a brown spaghetti strap halter top with a jean jacket, a pair of jeans, and brown sandals. Her toes were freshly polished red. Michael couldn’t help but admire how she looked, her face glowing as she ate her burrito.
“So how is the coaching going so far? Are you kicking Henry’s butt?” Michael was curious if she was enjoying herself. He hoped this would be a positive experience for her.
Becca nodded, her eyes glistening with excitement. “I don’t know about that.” She laughed, flipping her hair back over her shoulder. “More like he’s kicking my butt. I had forgotten how difficult it was to train and keep the voice in shape.” She took a sip of water, making a face as she swallowed.
“I see you still hate water too.” He chuckled, pointing to her water glass. He remembered even way back in the day she hated water. He would have to make sure she drank enough to stay hydrated. Some things don’t change he thought.
“I wish they would make this stuff taste better.” She scowled, making a ‘tsk tsk’ sound. “The things we have to go through to become a good singer.” Her voice was in a mocking tone as she shook her head.
He smiled and held a lemon in his hand. “You know, that’s why they make these funny little yellow things.” He squeezed the lemon in her glass, wiping his hand on the napkin afterwards. He motioned for her to take a drink. She smiled in approval. “Funny how that works isn’t it?” Michael laughed, wondering why she hadn’t done that earlier.
Becca pretended to smack her forehead. “Why didn’t I think of that earlier? I could have saved myself lots of misery!” Her smile broadened, lighting up her whole face.
“Are you enjoying being back in LA?” His voice was hesitant, wondering if he should ask. He hadn’t talked to her much since he dropped her and said fiancee at the hotel and wasn’t quite sure how she would react. He had been antsy to speak with her and spend time with her since she got here, but he also tried to keep his distance per her request. It was getting more and more difficult though as the days passed.
Michael gazed at her, seeing the stars shimmer in her eyes as she spoke. He could see the excitement in her face. “Are you kidding? I’m loving it! I so miss it: the weather, the restaurants, the ocean, everything!” Her hands were flying around as she spoke, her hair flopping back and forth. He could see that LA was part of her spirit, part of her soul. The old cliché came to his mind: You can take the girl out of LA, but you can’t take the LA out of the girl. It really seemed to ring true of Becca. He wondered why she ever left in the first place.
“Pardon me, did you say you miss it? Because I couldn’t really tell.” He pretended to not understand, attempting a serious look on his face. His eyes were twinkling with delight.
“Very funny Michael. I know you love it when I get all excited about something.” She tried to scold him, but was laughing instead.
“It’s cute to see your arms go flying everywhere and all the peppiness of a cheerleader. Some things haven’t changed.” His voice was nonchalant, hoping to keep things light and fun. He didn’t want to go down the same road they were on months ago. He made that mistake once, and he swore it would never happen again. He couldn’t afford to have her angry with him and run out on the project.
A moment passed of silence as they both ate their lunch. Michael glanced at Becca, gaining the confidence to ask the question.
“Tell me, isn’t there at least a part of you that misses all this?” He held her eyes as he extended out his arm. He couldn’t understand how someone who used to love singing so much, who felt it was her entire life, who loved the city around her, would want to move away, give it all up for someone who is nothing at all like her or can even understand her. He felt like she lost herself and is living a lie.
“You know Michael; we do have good Mexican restaurants in Milwaukee. I don’t think I miss this particular one.” Her eyes were wide and her voice was mocking.
He smiled, loving the friendly banter. They always could joke around with each other so well, feeling so comfortable with each other. “That’s not what I meant. I mean LA, and the singing. Don’t you miss it?” He gazed out the window for a brief moment, taking a breath. “Singing and music used to be your passion Becca. Ever since I’ve known you, it’s what you’ve always wanted. I guess I just don’t understand what happened to you.” He tried to keep his voice soft and gentle, but wasn’t sure how he was coming across. Her reaction was less than what he had hoped for.
Her face scrunched up in knots, her voice was harsh. “Nothing happened to me Michael. I just decided that music wasn’t for me anymore. I wanted a ‘normal’ life. I wanted to settle down, get a real job, get married, and have kids.”
Michael was felt a pang of hurt in his heart. “A real job?” He was stunned she would even say such a thing.
“I’m sorry Michael. I didn’t mean it like that.” She put her hand on his on the table. He ignored the way his heart thumped at the feel of her skin on his.
“I just mean that singing isn’t for me anymore. I have a different life, not necessarily better, but different.” She removed her hand and took a drink of her water now accented with lemon. He noticed how she avoided the initial question. She flipped back her hair and started wringing her hands.
“Yeah, I got that. But that’s not what I asked.” He called her on her avoidance of the topic. She was avoiding it for a reason and he wanted to know why and confront her on it. He knew she should be singing again and was trying to get her to see it his way.
“I should get going. Henry can be a stickler when it comes to being on time.” Becca changed the topic. It was just like her to run out when things got serious and she didn’t want to face the topic at hand. He was upset, yet he didn’t want their time to end together. He slipped his hand on her shoulder.
“You can’t leave without dessert. I know you and chocolate.” He attempted a joking manner, but failed. The banter they had earlier was gone. She was too caught up in the thought of getting away from him. He knew it wasn’t a good idea to get together for lunch, but he couldn’t help himself. He just needed to see her.
Becca smiled weakly, making his heart ache. “Thanks for lunch. I’ll see you next week.” She walked to the door and gave him a wave before walking out. He realized at that moment that whatever they had between them was definitely over. He may feel something for her every time he saw her or talked to her, but it was obvious she didn’t feel the same for him; or if she did, she would never admit it. He lost her a long time ago, and it was time he needed to let go.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Infertility stinks :(

I haven't talked much about TTC in quite some time. A few months back I decided to give it up to God. You know, quite honestly, as much as I want to, I know I can't do it. I think it's just one of those phrases we tend to say when we are so hurt by all the frustration and pain of it. I had a 2 month break after clomid (break meaning no charting, no timing BD, but still obsessively thinking about it). This is my 3rd month since stopping clomid, 8th month since HSG/lap, and 25th month all together. Honestly, after this long, is there any way I can just stop??? I think not. I'm back to partially charting again (I mean just temping around O time or just when I feel like it) and I'm now taking 1200mg of Vitex...hoping that it lengthens my luteal phase. My first month off of clomid I still had the affects and had a 13 day LP!! Last month was my normal 9 day LP (with spotting starting at 8DPO) and now this month af is on her way.....10 day LP with spotting starting at 8DPO again.
I think what's so darn frustrating is the fact that I KNOW what's wrong with my body. I also KNOW what can help me. I KNOW that clomid fixes ALL my issues (I had a 13 day LP with NO spotting while on clomid). Yet I cannot take it. Darn finances. At this rate I feel like I'm never going to have another baby. I can hear my clock ticking away too as my 31st birthday quickly approaches. *sigh*

So today (or whenever af decides to show up...she thinks is ultimately hilarious to make me think she's coming and then stalls) my temp dropped and more spotting....af should be here. Now starts month 26. I will also be starting my second bottle of Vitex shortly.

Anyone care to send me money for the "Clomid Cause"? LOL I hate insurances. Apparently preventing pregnancies is an important medical issue to them, but actually adding to your family and giving life is not. What a messed up world we live in!

At any rate, I'm still praying for that miracle to happen. Just thought I'd update since it's been a while I've mentioned TTC.